Monthly Archives: September 2011

Size does not matter…….

One day when you are big, what do you want to be?

I am sure we all heard that at some point in our life hey. Whether we had big dreams or not the question was still posed to us.

A few weeks ago a friend was chatting to me, I had not seen him in while (okay we had not spoken in a while and he was chatting via Whatsapp so it still counts). His wife is pregnant and he had changed jobs since we last spoke. He made a statement and said “he was growing up”.

Which got me thinking as to how we define growing up. We all grow “bigger” naturally, that is of course if we eat and so forth. But we all do not grow up.
I have seen it too often that we tend to associate growing up in reference to an external factor, like going to college, getting a job getting married, having a child, buying a house, buying a car….etc.

Those things are maybe necessary as you get “bigger” but they most certainly do not reflect automatically that you are grown up. By grow up I mean maturity.

To mature is a choice, to get bigger is simply a natural process. It is for this reason I chose the title “size does not matter”, because when it comes to maturity it really does not matter how “big” you are.
In fact, your age, your intelligence, your position, your job has nothing to do with it either.
I have met so many people who reason that they are grown up simply by referencing their current life phase as their reason for being “grown up”. I have met countless single and married people who really do not understand that maturity is a choice.

It is those who decide that they must deal with the inside, that truly “grow up”. And as the picture above states, it takes courage……

May we all grow up…..

thehonestone

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Single in a married world

MY WIFE IS PREGNANT, those words at some stage my friends who are married will tell me. Now friends I can handle telling me that with minimal wincing. Things are about to change right?

So I can deal with seeing less and less and less and less of my friends as they embrace parenthood. Although I truly wonder why people become more scarce when they have children. Surely community is developed by seeing more of each other. Anyway, back to the story…….

Seeing less of friends that I can handle, but when you are only 2 in your department and your colleague says those four words, MY WIFE IS PREGNANT…….. Now that will have some drastic and direct effects on my life now won’t it….

Firstly all the doctor appointments seem to fall on critical periods (whenever I am free) leaving me no option, but to cover. I mean, what could be more important in a single person’s life than a doctor’s appointment for your future baby??????

How do I compete with that? There is simply nothing big enough to reason my way out of that one. All I could ask is how is it possible that all the appointments happen when there are shows and I am free (well whether I am or not is irrelevant) I will be free so that the wife can be taken to the hospital. My mind naturally clings to conspiracy theories and this one wreaks of it ha ha ha (insert evil laugh)

So where does that leave me? I cannot think of a single thing that can top that, other than my own funeral. Being married always wins, and if you want to seal the deal, have a baby. No single person can beat that. My own funeral cannot be the only way, since I will not be there to gloat over my colleague and say “top that” you married child haver…..

But yes I digress. What can I do? I hate doctors so I cannot fake illnesses since I would have to go the fake doctor to get a fake certificate. And since I am thehonestone, that does not fit my demeanor.

So I suffer on and take those shot s for the team (of 2) and make my contribution to society and one day I might meet this child of which I sacrificed many an hour for and hope that it was worth it.

The only joy I have in that is when I get home I lay my head down with no new born baby to awake it until I awake (naturally I might add). And celebrate the joys of singleness until the next doctor’s appointment……

thehonestone

The Storstad and the Empress

Clearly not the actual boats of that day, but you get the picture

The Storstad and the Empress were 2 ships that collided in 1914.

To explain what caused it lets have a look at the circumstances. Firstly it was early the morning, and they had come across heavy fog. Now normal procedure for difficult visibility situations was simply to stop. A complete stop. Yet the Storstad did not it slowed down. This resulted in the collision. It was one of the worst maritime disasters the Storstad did not just slice into the Empress it continued forward resulting in more deaths. 1,073 people lost their lives in that one. The Empress also had not sealed its water tight doors which added to the disaster. It sunk in 14 mins

I can remember another situation in one of the world wars (I cannot remember the specifics like dates and which war so don’t shoot me). It was the American ships and they were all losing their way at sea in terms of finding the destination.
Nobody could figure out why, until they discovered that when the ships hit fog, the Captains would try to change course.
They realised later that instead of trying to avoid it, they should simply keep the original coordinates and slow down, eventually they would make it through and get to where they needed to go.

I think both stories describe a period we all go through in life at various times and stages. We hit a “fog” patch and we cannot see our way forward. Do we still plod along like the Storstad even though we cannot see? Or do we simply stop like the empress and simply leave ourselves unprotected and at the mercy of what we cannot see around us?

I think there is a lesson in this for us all. When we cannot see, don’t make life altering decisions. Sit down and stop if you have to, but like the American ships did, don’t try and avoid it. Go through what you have to go through, but don’t make major decisions in the fog. Stick to what you decided when you could see.

The Storstad and Empress was a series of unfortunate events (who never experiences those ones hey) but we can learn from things, even though there were procedures in place. Sometimes people just ignore them and other people suffer. But that does not mean we should just sit there and hope for the best. We should be vigilant and do what we can while going through these things.
And at the same time remember DON’T MAKE MAJOR DECISIONS BECAUSE OF WHATS HAPPENING THEN.
It will only take you off course.

Wait until the fog clears…..

thehonestone

What if’s or So What’s……

I grew up in a family of what if’s.
How can you wear that socks? What if you are in an accident? How can you go dressed like that, what if people see you in the road? How can you drive so late, what if you are in an accident? WHAT IF……..

It drove me mad, yet it stuck and replayed always whenever I tried something. My way of coping was to ask myself…..

That 2 words helped me out of the “what if” mentality. I mean “so what” in the sense of “so what if I make a mistake I know they care”.
But the words had to come from something deeper.
And it got me thinking. There are usually 2 driving forces at work behind most of what we are involved with these days. Both have the same goals (mostly) but very different approaches.

Fear and Love, I know it sounds so cliche’ but it really does seem to provide a way for us to do something. Whether we pick up the dirt for fear of the consequences (a dirty yard, authorities,etc.) or whether we pick it up for love for our significant other, parents, flat mates, house mates……. we still end up doing the same action.

But the journey there is so much different isn’t it?

When we are doing it because of fear we do not need much more coaxing and fear alone can get us to do it.
Whereas when we are doing it in love, well the driving force is so much different.

And the characteristics for the two forces are opposites too.

FEAR : Respect enforced, Forced actions for fear of consequence, your opinion not relevant, your personality not really accepted or taken into account.

Most companies hold the salary as a ransom to control your behaviour, please do not tell me that they care about you if they operate that way. They are using fear to get what they want.

LOVE : Now love is very different and the same actions sometimes unfold, but its a longer road. People don’t trust and love easily. Its not like fear is it… You cannot just tell people “I love and care for you” and poof you get instant results…
You have to nurture that environment, you have to respect the people in entirety.

Believe me its easier to get people to fear you and get results. Its not so easy to work with people and develop an atmosphere of mutual respect and love for each other.

I also would warn you that its so very subtle and we do not know the driving force behind our environment so easily.

Maybe “What if” or “So what” can guide you….

thehonestone

The Honest Truth

At first glance the honest truth sounds like redundancy, but I assure you its not. Honesty and truth are not the same thing.

Let me explain. When I was younger, I really believed that my parents never loved me. Honestly, if you had asked me then I would have said it with a straight face. And of course, because I believed that, all actions seemed to validate it. But it was not true, they really did love me, I just could not understand that they showed it differently to what I wanted or needed then.

Its what I call globalizing a local situation. You know what I mean?

A woman gets hurt my a man in a relationship and suddenly all men are dogs. Thats globalizing a local situation. The woman is taking an honest situation and building a truth out of it (for her anyway) and applying it to all. You get what I mean?
We all do it to a certain extent, when we get sick, suddenly it seems like we will be this way forever and we panic. But then we get better. Or maybe its just me, since I hate the doctor. Or even worse, the dentist, I have an ache and I reason how I will live with the pain (rather than have it seen to ha ha ha).

Honesty and truth are not the same thing. Truth is always true, honesty is dependent on our perception. We get it wrong so often and I hope people would understand the difference.

To the woman who has had her heart broken, yes he has hurt you, but its not true that all men are like that.

To the one who takes an honest look at their life and realise they do not like it, and want to end it because its too much for them to handle, don’t because its not true that you cannot make it through. Yes you are being honest, but it will change, all of life is not like this moment. Yes its just a moment. The moment is not worth taking your life.

Its not good to globalize what is local, or better put. Make permanent what is clearly temporary. Its not always good to build a life truth out of an honest situation, it might just be your perception of it.

If only we will learn that honesty and truth are not always the same thing………

thehonestone

First Impressions Last?

Although we would never openly admit to this, but we all form opinions upon an intro to a new friend/colleague/acquaintance/etc.
And whether we like it or not we all form the dreaded FIRST IMPRESSION.

We tend to create our own impression of someone we meet and likewise they do the same when meeting us. Be it for an interview ( I hate those things).
A date

I am not a fan of first impressions, firstly because I am not someone who anybody should judge solely on a first impression. If that was the case no one would spend time with me. Interviews I think are the worst at that, because I think some people who really do suit the job perfectly does not always present themselves completely. Who can in 30mins?

Ask yourself, how many friends in your life now are there because you took a liking to their company instantly? How many did you develop friendships over time? How many people when you really got to know them surprised you?

It is for this reason that I think first impressions suck. There is no way you can formulate a truthful opinion on any person, even if you do a thorough grilling interview.

We are just not built that way. I think if companies spend more time with the people before employing them, in let’s say an interview (formal) and a non formal environment then they will make better recruitment’s.

Women will make better choices in men if they simply spent more time with the guys before jumping into a relationship for whatever reason. First impressions often fail in this environment in particular.

Men would also make better decisions with women if they spent more time just being there rather than trying to “make a good impression”

I wanted to use a story to describe something here, but I went for this analogy rather. If I were a plant, I would be a cactus.

I look unapproachable, but if you spend some time and be gentle then you won’t get hurt. Also I am quite soft in the centre and if you spend more time with the centre then you will get a kick to display my strength (tequila) ha ha ha.

If you were a plant or animal what would you be and why?

thehonestone

P.S. For the subscribers, sorry for last weeks double posting going out. That was an error on my part I think. 2 posts were scheduled at the same time (must be my age getting to me). Well anyway here is the actual post…

Opportunist or Purpist….

I firmly believe that there are 2 ways to live. That could be an oversimplification, but let’s just follow this train of thought for a moment.

I could be an opportunist or I could live a purposeful life. The latter being a more defined life and the former a more all over the place life.

My question to you is are you an opportunist?

To explain my position, let’s say you want to play music full time. You go hang around musicians or chat to them and stand and hope you get in with the right people. And let’s for argument sake say you do get in with a band. So you play for a while and you meet some other people and they seem more interesting and you decide to leave because that is really what you wanted to do. YOU ARE AN OPPORTUNIST. You have no defined goal and you simply drift in the general direction that you want to end up in.
Also you end up using people to get where you think you need to go.
In short your life is open to the better deal always.

Now on the other side for a moment….

You sit down and decide where you want to go and plan it out (even a rough guide line). You still do the same as before by hanging out with musicians, but the difference is that you know where you want to go. It defines your choices. You can say no to some opportunities because you it does not fit into your over arching goal.
It does not mean you do not take opportunities, it just means your purpose defines which opportunity you take.
Every opportunity does not send you into a decision fit. Should I should I not, should I should I not……
Then you are a purpist (a person who lives with purpose)

Which one are you?

thehonestone