One Day

 

One day we will live in a world where people respect each other for who they are…

One day we will live in a world where people are honest with each other…….

One day we will live in a world where the truth is a celebrated state…

One day we will live in a world where life is cherished and not treated as a means to an end for some…

One day young women will realise that they should focus on who they are rather than try and grab attention of the young fool she thinks she wants………

One young men will learn to live their lives and develop some character rather than chase skirts all day long……..

One day the work place will be only for people who come there to work and not to deal with their issues that are unresolved from high school……

One day we shall see the value in people and things and realise that certain things are just not that important…….

One day governments will realise that they exist because of “the people”, not the other way around…..

One day the business world will grow a conscience, and realise that certain things are crimes against the greater good of humanity….

One day the people of this world will realise that whether we like it or not we are all connected and one. No matter how hard we try to create separations via race, tribe, class, economic state, language, country, religion, politics…… We simply cannot get away that we need each other….

One day churches will actually love people….Not a means to “build a kingdom”….

One day thieves will realise the true damage they do when they take stuff from others…..

One day the rapist will see the type of torture they inflict on their victims….

One day we will see how our decisions affect others…

One day people will get married for the right reasons and when they are grown up…

One day idiots will be called out…

One day………………………..

 

 

Now you can make that today……

 

thehonestone

 

What women need…part 3

Here is the next one with a slightly different slant contributed by another young lady Heide, who refuses to start a blog. He he he no pressure at all hey…..

Safety
I think women need to know what creates safety for them. If a woman thinks it is money and an extremely handsome looking fella, then she must go find herself that man. I, however think it takes more than good looks and money (which by the way can easily disappear). The safety a woman needs, is a man settled in him and allowing the women to support him. Allowing her to be part of him. Are we not ultimately designed to be a man’s supporter? We come alongside a man and slot in with him. Therefore we need men that know who they are and what they are about. A man does not need to have everything figured out and have no failing areas. All I’m saying is that it is very easy to respect and support a man who knows himself and who is not easily tossed around by circumstances. Please don’t get me wrong, by this I do not mean a man is never allowed to hit a wobbly patch. In these times a woman needs to know that you trust her enough so that you can work through it together. You take the bad with the good.

It sort of looks to me trust=safety

Communication
So I already mentioned this. It is so important that a woman knows she is heard. This means granted the opportunity to speak to an attentive listener. Mostly problems miraculously disappear without fixing it if a man is truly in the conversation. I suppose good communication leads to the possibility of being understood. This means the world to a woman, that a man actually makes the effort of figuring her out.

Expressed appreciation
Women need to know that they are actually getting it right in supporting a man. A woman needs to know that a man sees the beauty in her and how she lives it out. The way it is expressed would look different for every woman.

Conclusion

I had no part in the description and I have copied it verbatim (barring of course certain greetings and so forth) Also a guy friend of mine said that he knows women to inherently want to improve their environment and this means they often want to change things> Men don’t always see it as improvement though and tend to think they want to change them. I don’t know hey, I suspect the ladies will comment and correct us here.

My thoughts, though I have many, I will only say this. I don’t think we can always have point forms in life about life. Sometimes we give and take more than we should.
But hey that’s life hey, it happens whether we ready or not.

Hope to check out your comments….

the Honest One

p.s this is the last time I give over the blog to women, shoo 3 posts on the same topic :)…..ha ha ha just kidding ladies, you are all welcome to write a guest blog post hey….let me know…

What women need…part 2

Here we start the second part today (with one more left in this series)

Here we go, Leaan Delport part 2, in case you never checked out her blog you can find it here. I will step aside and just continue the post…

TO BE CHERISHED

So this is close to Love, but to be cherished is something deep and profound that is comes across in a man’s demeanour and way towards his girlfriend/wife. It comes across in the “small things” – possibly opening the door for a lady to walk first, the gentlemanly stuff you know, or making the effort to listen to the fine-print in her tone of voice to understand her and love her the way she desires to be loved. To us, these are HUGE things, not small at all. If your intentions are pure and you pay attention to this advice, you should have no problem having a humble, compliant and supportive lady at your side, permitted she is open to be loved. Love makes a lady supportive – that’s just how it works. A woman reflects a man’s way toward her wherever she goes.

TO BE AND FEEL SECURE

When a woman says “yes” to any form of romantic relationship, she is saying “yes, I will let you love me and lead me, I will trust you with my heart”. This is a daunting thing. Areas she would’ve managed or tried to manage herself in her life now becomes open to his leadership and way. This is something that needs to be realized and handled with care on the male’s side; this privilege is to be cherished. Please NEVER take a woman’s trust in you for granted. Treat it carefully, treat her trust and belief in you like a precious jewel, keep it safe, honor her. Commitment from the male towards her is one thing that adds to the security she feels in the relationship. Providing (though this is not summed up in finances these days like in the past, it’s more a state of being, providing as a male figure in things only the male figure can – leadership, decision-making awareness, responsibility for his actions (or for the family possibly), etc. A woman needs to feel cared for and feels secure when she knows she is cared for, this is affirmed by a male’s actions and words towards her in this regard. Feeling secure comes in during those times when there are challenges from outside the relationship and the lady has trusted you with the main leadership aspect. It is important to talk about such things, communicate mutual fears and comfort and encourage each other (be a team). This makes her (and you also) feel secure in the face of adversity. Neglecting to communicate at such times is often to the detriment of many relationships.

I hope I have communicated some of the essentials of what women need appropriately.

(End of part two)

As always please comment.

the Honest One

What women need……drum roll……

I know its been a while since I posted anything, but it seemed a bit silly to just write what men need and not have a post about what women need.
So I decided to go live among a colony of only women to get an idea as to what exactly goes on in there lives and minds (and then I woke up and realised it was a dream) ha ha ha, just kidding.

Rather than try and reinvent the wheel I got a young lady to explore and write her thoughts down. She is also a blogger and her blog can be found here. Also some of the post will be from other contributors too (also women). So brace yourself, this might be longer than normal (since women do talk more than men). Here Goes…

What Women need ( by a woman )

I hardly consider myself an expert on the subject and I believe we’re all learning and growing in this grace as we go along. Nonetheless, I am part of a circle of family and friends with many of whom I believe to be successful in relationships with the opposite sex – many having been married for numbers of years and still enjoying and very much in love with their partners (pple in their 40’s and 50’s married longer than 10 years holding hands and kissing boldly in malls). Included in my circle are younger people like myself who I consider to be wise.

Consequently I put together a post combining what I believe to be the essentials of what this topic includes with the help of some female friends and role models in my life. I hope you are encouraged, blessed and enriched and also challenged as you read it.

LOVE

So that’s a no-brainer…although it cannot be stressed enough. The trick here is linked to the beautiful contextual question: What does love look like?
Most of us are familiar with the concept of love languages and that each person has one or two love languages (or more). These love languages refer to ways in which they understand they are loved and are usually the same ways in which they communicate their love for others. I’d like to use an example from some people very close to me and their relationship and a quote from a dear friend and role model. When this couple got married – the husband initiated the following activity. He suggested that both of them write a list of ‘love-acts’ they understand and would enjoy or feel appreciated with. Amongst the things the lady wrote, there was I like to receive flowers, I like to receive small love letters in unexpected places, etc. Of course the husband also compiled his list and you can imagine the broad outline of it I’m sure..hehe. They still continue to fulfill each others desires and needs in this way to this day and have been happily married for 35 years – so there’s something to be said for open communication. Anyway, they had quite a literal approach and this isn’t particularly my style – though it is the principal of loving your partner in the way that they understand and feel appreciated by, which is beneficial.

The wife’s words were: As a woman, you need someone who makes you feel like a queen who will communicate with you on an emotional, spiritual and intellectual level, that will bring you flowers often and write you love letters, songs and poetry if he can, someone who often treats you to dinners (doesn’t have to be fancy, its the thought or personal touch that counts). Then you’re emotional tank will be full and it will also be easy for you to fulfill his needs. He must be a true companion that honors you in public, not embarrass you. He must be able to provide well and take the lead in the relationship and decisions, but with love.

End of part one

For today I will end it here and for the next 2 posts will continue the topic.
Oh and to clarify, love languages refers to a book that the guy explained that we all give and experience love according to a type of “language”. This is why sometimes people miss each other completely. We tend to give in the way we want to receive and not all people speak the same ” language”
Enough said.

Next post we shall continue

the Honest One

What men need……..

I have been toying around the idea of writing a post about what men need to look for in women….

I could not get to grips with writing it without creating a war with women. Its strictly for guys eyes only. And since the internet allows everyone to peruse info, and I am sure the ladies would read it either way.

So the only way I reckon it can work, is if the guys out there want that info, let me know via comments and I will email it to you. Should you take me up on the offer, well then keep it to your self hey, no need to let our secrets out of the bag.

Anyway that’s not what I chose to write the post about today. These days there is simply no shortage of books, articles, blogs about what men and women want. But upon reflection I realised………it was due to the current “me focused” culture that we have that big question. So far be it for me to add to the vast amounts of drivel in the wild west of relationship advice. I think the more pertinent question should be, “What do we need?”

Relationships seems to have denigrated into what we get out of them, and therefore we tend to look at what we want out of it. There is nothing wrong per say in wanting stuff. But I think the focus and initial thought should be, What do we bring into it?

Seems fairly minor hey, but it shifts the focus and responsibility. If I express what I need, it absolves the other person from having to provide it for me. When I want something, it demands it from the person the want is made known to.
Now that I got that cleared, since I am a man I wanted to express what I think men need…..

Respect
I cannot stress that enough. Men need to be respected for who they are. I suppose I should throw this one in here….most men know their failing areas. THEY DO NOT NEED IT SHOUTED OVER A LOUD HAILER.
****News flash****, no matter how one nags, it never produces the results desired or in the time frame desired. Bribe the man or use your clever wily ways rather, but nagging helps nothing at all.

Support
We appear strong and independent, but really we are in need of constant support. There is something that is switched on in a man, when he is supported by the woman in his life (I mean the genuine kind and not the support “because that is what you are supposed to do”)

Food er, um, er well we all know the other one hey (since this blog is kiddy friendly I won’t say it aloud…hint (yes it is the 3 letter word you thinking of right now)

He he he, I had to throw that one in there. Enough said

Belief Faith

We need people to believe us and in us. I cannot express how much it means to us when our dreams are believed and helped (especially by a wife/girlfriend/female friend). When its brought out in a way only a woman can…..

Love

I guess this is a foregone conclusion. But it depends on how love is expressed. Men need to know that people are there for them. We go to hilarious lengths to ensure that this exists in our lives. I will point out the ridiculous antics guys get up to and bets they make with other guys.

Conclusion

There is not much more to say other than there is no real secrets, mostly what you see is what you get (WYSIWYG) and what we say is generally what we mean. There are no “other meanings” behind what we say. When we go for coffee, we go drink coffee.
We are very simplistic beings and therefore I will not continue to drag out a topic that is explained in full already ha ha ha.

My aim here is for us to forget what “we want”. And to realise that we need to bring something to the table rather. And on that note I will leave you to ponder on this…..

I do however leave a space open for a woman to submit a “what women need” here. You can email it to me and I will post it for you or if you blog you can send me a link and I will send it out. Fair enough.

Because in relationships there are always 2 sides hey 🙂

***DISCLAIMER***When I say secrets in the early parts of the post, they refer to the stuff men know about women and not secrets that men have. The secrets that men know about women but will never let them know what it is that they know.

the Honest One

Women are from the East and men are from the west….

Today is a bit tongue in cheek, so please do not take offence.

This is an excerpt from the book Outliers, it is a conversation between an employee (Mr. Kim) and his boss, a division chief (Kwacang)

Kwacand : It’s cold and I’m hungry
(Meaning : Why don’t you buy a drink or something to eat?)

Mr. Kim : How about having a glass of liquor?
(Meaning : I will buy liquor for you.)

Kwacang : It’s okay. Don’t bother.
(Meaning : I will accept your offer if you repeat it.)

Mr. Kim : You must be hungry. How about going out?
(Meaning : I insist upon treating you)

Kwacang : Shall I do so?
(Meaning : I Accept)

That’s a strange conversation. But nevertheless its one that happens to be quite normal in a specific culture.

As the title states its an Asian culture. Most of Asia is receiver orientated when it comes to communication. meaning that it is up to the receiver to interpret what someone is saying to them.

Western culture has what we call a transmitter orientation. this means that the responsibility to communicate ideas clearly, are with the speaker.

Therefore my conclusion…. With regards to the slight communication gap between women and men…. Is that women have a receiver orientation and men a transmitter orientation….

What do you think?

thehonestone

First Impressions Last?

Although we would never openly admit to this, but we all form opinions upon an intro to a new friend/colleague/acquaintance/etc.
And whether we like it or not we all form the dreaded FIRST IMPRESSION.

We tend to create our own impression of someone we meet and likewise they do the same when meeting us. Be it for an interview ( I hate those things).
A date

I am not a fan of first impressions, firstly because I am not someone who anybody should judge solely on a first impression. If that was the case no one would spend time with me. Interviews I think are the worst at that, because I think some people who really do suit the job perfectly does not always present themselves completely. Who can in 30mins?

Ask yourself, how many friends in your life now are there because you took a liking to their company instantly? How many did you develop friendships over time? How many people when you really got to know them surprised you?

It is for this reason that I think first impressions suck. There is no way you can formulate a truthful opinion on any person, even if you do a thorough grilling interview.

We are just not built that way. I think if companies spend more time with the people before employing them, in let’s say an interview (formal) and a non formal environment then they will make better recruitment’s.

Women will make better choices in men if they simply spent more time with the guys before jumping into a relationship for whatever reason. First impressions often fail in this environment in particular.

Men would also make better decisions with women if they spent more time just being there rather than trying to “make a good impression”

I wanted to use a story to describe something here, but I went for this analogy rather. If I were a plant, I would be a cactus.

I look unapproachable, but if you spend some time and be gentle then you won’t get hurt. Also I am quite soft in the centre and if you spend more time with the centre then you will get a kick to display my strength (tequila) ha ha ha.

If you were a plant or animal what would you be and why?

thehonestone

P.S. For the subscribers, sorry for last weeks double posting going out. That was an error on my part I think. 2 posts were scheduled at the same time (must be my age getting to me). Well anyway here is the actual post…