Tag Archives: relationships

On paper

No one knows the future.

duties of a life insurance agent

I am sure you have been approached by some form of insurance broker in your life. If not, its only a matter of time before you have that privilege.

And you will get the whole pitch of how you need to invest and put money away. And they will pull out a chart and show you how over time your money will grow and this is the possible outcome. And just as your eyes light up and you about say “Where can I sign up?”…….

You get the disclaimer, that past performance is not indicative of future perfomance…..

And somehow they show you a chart of what? The past. I always chuckle when they do that. They showing you past perfomance in order to sign you up. Bu the disclaimer just does not get your hopes up does it. There are no guarantees with markets. And they are correct, there will be no sure thing when it comes to the markets, or we would all be wealthy right?

The thing is, what other information would people accept? Surely they cannot come to you and say, “Hey, are you willing to throw some cash in this fund and we will see what the markets do?” Not very convincing is it?

Yet that is more true than the chart. We really do not know, we can guesstimate, but no sure thing exists there.

We do the same in life, when a situation arises and we have to choose, we go with what we know to be true. We pretty much use our past to determine our future in its most simplest terms.

My question that I pose to myself is how that has worked for me. Since I may want different to what I have now, surely I cannot decide based on the past. Unless of course I am content here and don’t want different things.

Children don’t do that though (for obvious reason since they do not have anything to gauge it against they only have to try it). I think there is a bit of wisdom in that.

Now I am a proper skeptic in life hey, and I never jump both feet in. I always consider all angles…..

But getting back to the point, on paper all these things look good, but real life can often shock or surprise you. Life, markets, people are not dead things, are not one dimensional either, there are curve balls and many factors to consider. In fact they impossible to predict.

Its a frustrating thing to a predicter, a planner like me. One has to find that balance though.

I am not saying throw caution to the wind… that would just be dumb. But if you want something different then surely you cannot make a decision solely on your past. Since that got you where you are today. You want to be wealthy, but currently not…. Need I answer that one?

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

Its good to look at the charts, its good to do your homework, but it will amount to nothing if you never take a step out of where you are.

I know how hard it is, I have forced myself many times to shut that little voice inside. But I can’t live with myself if I don’t try.

So my disclaimer is that by no means am I meaning for you to signup with the insurance broker. You can if you want, but first ask them how they amassed their peronal wealth. If they not wealthy……..well then don’t.

But if you want to have different things in life, do different things. Hang with different people, change. Take a side step. After all its not working now is it….

thehonestone

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The confines of your own beliefs

As we enter 2014, there are so many things going on and life is moving on rapidly. I thought it would be good to focus on what really rules us.

Our beliefs, correct? Whether we like it or not, whether we say so or not, our beliefs rule our actions. We can try and control it, hide it, flaunt it, correct it, but your beliefs will always surface whether intentionally or not. And that may not be a bad thing, but when the real underlying beliefs do not match up with the proposed reality of what we say (and we are normally the last to see this hey). What are we to do then????

And we take a look around us, we will notice that we also tend to stick around people who have similar beliefs….

Scary hey, we tend to live in the confines of our own beliefs. We don’t stray easily. We tend to only live what we know and not stray out of the confines of our already cemented beliefs. It takes courage, bravery and simple faith to step out of this………

What I ask though is, are you willing to step out of the confines of your beliefs? Will you venture into a world where you may not fully understand everything, and it is okay to be that way???

And do we do this in  every area in life? Our relationships? Our jobs? Our Recreation?

I want us to be able to explore the different things in life by having an open approach. I am not meaning doing stuff we know we hate, but not discarding new things simply because we refuse to fight that complacent nature in our inner being. 

I want us to fight our own mouth, and shock it by living what we speak. Take ourselves seriously and also know when to be light hearted.

2014, let it be the year you become you…..

 

thehonestone

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fading glow….

It has been a while….. Seems like forever, therefore I reckon it is fitting to start with this post…..

Out of sight is out of mind is the general way we live. We have literally hundreds of things trying to grab our attention daily. And our time is limited and we plod along.

If I don’t see a person for a long time, I don’t specifically think about them. And I am sure if I asked you to recall from memory even the people you see every day, you would struggle.

I know I do. But what about the one’s we want to spend time with. How quickly we forget even their faces. We tend to remember people by our memory of them rather than the reality isn’t it. It is why face to face is always better.

To demonstrate this, it has been proven that in a live audio environment without training and discipline, that once you walk away from the one side to the other side you would have forgotten what the other side sounds like. Heavy hey….. you actually actively have to train yourself to do this.

Now that is just a simple example. What about life and relationships. What hope do we have with the people we care about?

I also find sometimes that listening is hard to do…. I often formulate my answers to the “questions” while the other person is talking.

Terrible hey. We struggle to focus and listen. Kudos to you if you have developed this in life.

I guess my point today is……….. it takes effort to listen and discipline and it takes focused effort and discipline to maintain quality relationships in life.

 

They are not automatic. And you can get automated systems to build up your twitter following and facebook likes and all that, but how many will stay once you start to share who you are?

At our weekly meeting I commented (yes I even do that in real life) when someone was reading the “Give us today our daily bread” yes “Give us our daily bread, not our monthly shopping”.

 

There is a wisdom in that. Give us only what we need for today so we can focus on now…

 

More Accurate Than an Atomic Watch

 

So we do not take the everyday things for granted….. the fading glow of the face to face….

thehonestone

 

 

Miss me????

I have always wondered why on earth people ask me that question. “Did you miss me?” or “Do you miss me?”

How will that answer to the question not end up with the asker getting hurt?

What possible reason would anyone ask that? Is it because you need to feel okay? My theory is that it has nothing to do with me at all. It’s got to do with the missee (yes that’s right I made up a word)

What they really asking is, “am I important to you?” And its an unfair question to ask, don’t you think?
Firstly I am not in the habit of responding with a yes and if you are asking to find out if you are important to me…….well. I should cover your bill for the first visit to the shrink (there will be more hey).
On second thought, this might bankrupt me. Rather, I suggest you see one. (I know a few so I can recommend…….)

But I do have some straight talk to you if you are one of those….

Good advice hey, stop looking and start being. Let them miss you organically. Its so much better when it is said spontaneously.

That’s it for today.

the Honest One

What women need…part 3

Here is the next one with a slightly different slant contributed by another young lady Heide, who refuses to start a blog. He he he no pressure at all hey…..

Safety
I think women need to know what creates safety for them. If a woman thinks it is money and an extremely handsome looking fella, then she must go find herself that man. I, however think it takes more than good looks and money (which by the way can easily disappear). The safety a woman needs, is a man settled in him and allowing the women to support him. Allowing her to be part of him. Are we not ultimately designed to be a man’s supporter? We come alongside a man and slot in with him. Therefore we need men that know who they are and what they are about. A man does not need to have everything figured out and have no failing areas. All I’m saying is that it is very easy to respect and support a man who knows himself and who is not easily tossed around by circumstances. Please don’t get me wrong, by this I do not mean a man is never allowed to hit a wobbly patch. In these times a woman needs to know that you trust her enough so that you can work through it together. You take the bad with the good.

It sort of looks to me trust=safety

Communication
So I already mentioned this. It is so important that a woman knows she is heard. This means granted the opportunity to speak to an attentive listener. Mostly problems miraculously disappear without fixing it if a man is truly in the conversation. I suppose good communication leads to the possibility of being understood. This means the world to a woman, that a man actually makes the effort of figuring her out.

Expressed appreciation
Women need to know that they are actually getting it right in supporting a man. A woman needs to know that a man sees the beauty in her and how she lives it out. The way it is expressed would look different for every woman.

Conclusion

I had no part in the description and I have copied it verbatim (barring of course certain greetings and so forth) Also a guy friend of mine said that he knows women to inherently want to improve their environment and this means they often want to change things> Men don’t always see it as improvement though and tend to think they want to change them. I don’t know hey, I suspect the ladies will comment and correct us here.

My thoughts, though I have many, I will only say this. I don’t think we can always have point forms in life about life. Sometimes we give and take more than we should.
But hey that’s life hey, it happens whether we ready or not.

Hope to check out your comments….

the Honest One

p.s this is the last time I give over the blog to women, shoo 3 posts on the same topic :)…..ha ha ha just kidding ladies, you are all welcome to write a guest blog post hey….let me know…

What women need……drum roll……

I know its been a while since I posted anything, but it seemed a bit silly to just write what men need and not have a post about what women need.
So I decided to go live among a colony of only women to get an idea as to what exactly goes on in there lives and minds (and then I woke up and realised it was a dream) ha ha ha, just kidding.

Rather than try and reinvent the wheel I got a young lady to explore and write her thoughts down. She is also a blogger and her blog can be found here. Also some of the post will be from other contributors too (also women). So brace yourself, this might be longer than normal (since women do talk more than men). Here Goes…

What Women need ( by a woman )

I hardly consider myself an expert on the subject and I believe we’re all learning and growing in this grace as we go along. Nonetheless, I am part of a circle of family and friends with many of whom I believe to be successful in relationships with the opposite sex – many having been married for numbers of years and still enjoying and very much in love with their partners (pple in their 40’s and 50’s married longer than 10 years holding hands and kissing boldly in malls). Included in my circle are younger people like myself who I consider to be wise.

Consequently I put together a post combining what I believe to be the essentials of what this topic includes with the help of some female friends and role models in my life. I hope you are encouraged, blessed and enriched and also challenged as you read it.

LOVE

So that’s a no-brainer…although it cannot be stressed enough. The trick here is linked to the beautiful contextual question: What does love look like?
Most of us are familiar with the concept of love languages and that each person has one or two love languages (or more). These love languages refer to ways in which they understand they are loved and are usually the same ways in which they communicate their love for others. I’d like to use an example from some people very close to me and their relationship and a quote from a dear friend and role model. When this couple got married – the husband initiated the following activity. He suggested that both of them write a list of ‘love-acts’ they understand and would enjoy or feel appreciated with. Amongst the things the lady wrote, there was I like to receive flowers, I like to receive small love letters in unexpected places, etc. Of course the husband also compiled his list and you can imagine the broad outline of it I’m sure..hehe. They still continue to fulfill each others desires and needs in this way to this day and have been happily married for 35 years – so there’s something to be said for open communication. Anyway, they had quite a literal approach and this isn’t particularly my style – though it is the principal of loving your partner in the way that they understand and feel appreciated by, which is beneficial.

The wife’s words were: As a woman, you need someone who makes you feel like a queen who will communicate with you on an emotional, spiritual and intellectual level, that will bring you flowers often and write you love letters, songs and poetry if he can, someone who often treats you to dinners (doesn’t have to be fancy, its the thought or personal touch that counts). Then you’re emotional tank will be full and it will also be easy for you to fulfill his needs. He must be a true companion that honors you in public, not embarrass you. He must be able to provide well and take the lead in the relationship and decisions, but with love.

End of part one

For today I will end it here and for the next 2 posts will continue the topic.
Oh and to clarify, love languages refers to a book that the guy explained that we all give and experience love according to a type of “language”. This is why sometimes people miss each other completely. We tend to give in the way we want to receive and not all people speak the same ” language”
Enough said.

Next post we shall continue

the Honest One

What men need……..

I have been toying around the idea of writing a post about what men need to look for in women….

I could not get to grips with writing it without creating a war with women. Its strictly for guys eyes only. And since the internet allows everyone to peruse info, and I am sure the ladies would read it either way.

So the only way I reckon it can work, is if the guys out there want that info, let me know via comments and I will email it to you. Should you take me up on the offer, well then keep it to your self hey, no need to let our secrets out of the bag.

Anyway that’s not what I chose to write the post about today. These days there is simply no shortage of books, articles, blogs about what men and women want. But upon reflection I realised………it was due to the current “me focused” culture that we have that big question. So far be it for me to add to the vast amounts of drivel in the wild west of relationship advice. I think the more pertinent question should be, “What do we need?”

Relationships seems to have denigrated into what we get out of them, and therefore we tend to look at what we want out of it. There is nothing wrong per say in wanting stuff. But I think the focus and initial thought should be, What do we bring into it?

Seems fairly minor hey, but it shifts the focus and responsibility. If I express what I need, it absolves the other person from having to provide it for me. When I want something, it demands it from the person the want is made known to.
Now that I got that cleared, since I am a man I wanted to express what I think men need…..

Respect
I cannot stress that enough. Men need to be respected for who they are. I suppose I should throw this one in here….most men know their failing areas. THEY DO NOT NEED IT SHOUTED OVER A LOUD HAILER.
****News flash****, no matter how one nags, it never produces the results desired or in the time frame desired. Bribe the man or use your clever wily ways rather, but nagging helps nothing at all.

Support
We appear strong and independent, but really we are in need of constant support. There is something that is switched on in a man, when he is supported by the woman in his life (I mean the genuine kind and not the support “because that is what you are supposed to do”)

Food er, um, er well we all know the other one hey (since this blog is kiddy friendly I won’t say it aloud…hint (yes it is the 3 letter word you thinking of right now)

He he he, I had to throw that one in there. Enough said

Belief Faith

We need people to believe us and in us. I cannot express how much it means to us when our dreams are believed and helped (especially by a wife/girlfriend/female friend). When its brought out in a way only a woman can…..

Love

I guess this is a foregone conclusion. But it depends on how love is expressed. Men need to know that people are there for them. We go to hilarious lengths to ensure that this exists in our lives. I will point out the ridiculous antics guys get up to and bets they make with other guys.

Conclusion

There is not much more to say other than there is no real secrets, mostly what you see is what you get (WYSIWYG) and what we say is generally what we mean. There are no “other meanings” behind what we say. When we go for coffee, we go drink coffee.
We are very simplistic beings and therefore I will not continue to drag out a topic that is explained in full already ha ha ha.

My aim here is for us to forget what “we want”. And to realise that we need to bring something to the table rather. And on that note I will leave you to ponder on this…..

I do however leave a space open for a woman to submit a “what women need” here. You can email it to me and I will post it for you or if you blog you can send me a link and I will send it out. Fair enough.

Because in relationships there are always 2 sides hey 🙂

***DISCLAIMER***When I say secrets in the early parts of the post, they refer to the stuff men know about women and not secrets that men have. The secrets that men know about women but will never let them know what it is that they know.

the Honest One