Tag Archives: Fear

Good enough….

There is a question that roams around on the inside of every guy. It is one that has to be answered, but it cannot be answered from inside. It is one of those things that simply has to come from an external source.

It is that question. “Do I have what it takes?”

Its a tough one, since if you don’t get that answered as a child by your father…. You will always seek it. I can only speak for a guy in this case. I can only try to reason what that question would be in a woman’s internal dialogue.

Maybe “Am I beautiful?” or “Am I wanted?”

These are questions only outside sources can vouch for. Self image and love for your self is important. But this question every human needs answered. And if it is not, it will haunt you whether you realise it or not.

In my case I think the first time I made a fire and cooked meat on that fire was in my late twenties. I never felt like I could do it before that. It is a mundane thing yes, but it was a milestone for me. For years I silently wondered if my father thought I was good enough to handle these things. I battled silently and eventually just got to the point internally and just sort of threw caution aside and jumped.

For most of my school days, I would come home with a B and the question would be, “Why is it it not an A?”

Yep, not good to have both parents as teachers hey ha ha ha. But it creates a thought pattern that grows and it slowly creeps up in your self talk. Is what I am doing good enough…..

It is not easy to venture into the world with all the questions one normally gives an ear to. But none is so dangerous as the do I have what it takes. It will lead young men down a path of trying to prove it in all the wrong places. Its how gangs are formed, how women get abused, how children are made to live without fathers…..

“Do I have what it takes?” echoes in the head. And the young man zips off to the next conquest. Because he is not sure he can do this father thing. Joins that gang, because here are guys who think I have what it takes and I have proven it to them….

Young lady, where do you find yourself? Trying to answer that question…..”Am I beautiful?” This very question will lead you to a very dark place if you don’t find that answer. You always ask it until you believe it.

“Am I wanted?” well that is another question that gets twisted and turned into a world of hurt for a young lady who does not find this from her mother and father.

I know we live in a very broken world, and life does not afford all to live in a stable loving home. Life is not fair….

But I assure you that as much as there is the bad, there is the good. Just don’t give in to the idea that the bad is all there is. Keep searching.

For the ones who had it good and right, help the others. “But it is not my issues” you say. Well time to take things a bit more personally than that. Whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not. We are all in this together. Sometimes people just don’t know what they don’t know.

What it comes down to is this. Whether you have asked those questions out loud yet, know that they are always there in the undertones of life. They have to be answered. Find good friends, find good people and talk it out. And then go change the world….

I leave you today with another one of those videos. I hope you are watching or listening to them…

I want…..

It is my opinion that very few people know the difference between a want and a need in life.
I will let someone who IMO, got it correct.

needs vs greed

Just some stats for you to ponder on:
– Almost half of the world’s wealth is now owned by just one percent of the population.
– The wealth of the one percent richest people in the world amounts to $110 trillion. That’s 65 times the total wealth of the bottom half of the world’s population.
– The bottom half of the world’s population owns the same as the richest 85 people in the world.
– Seven out of ten people live in countries where economic inequality has increased in the last 30 years.
– The richest one percent increased their share of income in 24 out of 26 countries for which we have data between 1980 and 2012.
– In the US, the wealthiest one percent captured 95 percent of post-financial crisis growth since 2009, while the bottom 90 percent became poorer.

You read the full article by clicking here.

There are many people that realise the imbalances of the economic scales that are in place. The almost hatred, towards capitalism, the underlying and often underground guys, seeking to apply a communistic regime.
What one needs to realise is that everything that affects the world on a macro level (global) starts and affects things on a micro level (national/local) and I would go as far to say on a minute level (individual).

Let me start here….. You work hard to get the bills paid. You buy stuff and live in a space that you pay for, maybe a car or two. You have children, you pay school fees and clothing is a necessity. And you pay taxes and maybe you save a bit, and the list goes on.
Yet all of those are wants. You want to live in a house or space that you call your own, you want a car, you wanted children, you want those children to have a chance in life, you therefore send them to school. You want to beautify your life and space and spend the necessary to make that happen. You want to live in a country that has amenities that make life comfortable.

Homeless people still manage to get by…..without all that. Conclusion. Many before us and currently do not believe that those are necessary to qualify as a life. So they are at their core just wants. You do not need it.
The trouble with us is that we get caught up in looking around and you have to admit….. its all very tempting hey.

But the thing that fuels the world and the markets and the economy is ruled by the 2 most base human trappings…. Fear and Greed.
I don’t want to make this too complex.

I could create lists of what we want versus what we need, but let me simplify.
I think what is a real need in life is that people should find purpose. Yes that is not always tangible, but purpose supercedes wants in every area. Like you need air and food, purpose is the most gone and forgotten element in life as I see it.

purpose

We end up on the hamster wheel without it. We take every opportunity we can thinking it will better our lives, only to find the circle bites our behinds and we end up with higher bills, new worries, and more stress. We don’t need a lot in life. But if you ever wanted a lazer sharp focus in life. Find your purpose. That in itself will help you shake off all the crap you don’t need.

Yes the world is unfair and a hard place, but you do not have to comply with everything.

What is your purpose?

thehonestone

What if’s or So What’s……

I grew up in a family of what if’s.
How can you wear that socks? What if you are in an accident? How can you go dressed like that, what if people see you in the road? How can you drive so late, what if you are in an accident? WHAT IF……..

It drove me mad, yet it stuck and replayed always whenever I tried something. My way of coping was to ask myself…..

That 2 words helped me out of the “what if” mentality. I mean “so what” in the sense of “so what if I make a mistake I know they care”.
But the words had to come from something deeper.
And it got me thinking. There are usually 2 driving forces at work behind most of what we are involved with these days. Both have the same goals (mostly) but very different approaches.

Fear and Love, I know it sounds so cliche’ but it really does seem to provide a way for us to do something. Whether we pick up the dirt for fear of the consequences (a dirty yard, authorities,etc.) or whether we pick it up for love for our significant other, parents, flat mates, house mates……. we still end up doing the same action.

But the journey there is so much different isn’t it?

When we are doing it because of fear we do not need much more coaxing and fear alone can get us to do it.
Whereas when we are doing it in love, well the driving force is so much different.

And the characteristics for the two forces are opposites too.

FEAR : Respect enforced, Forced actions for fear of consequence, your opinion not relevant, your personality not really accepted or taken into account.

Most companies hold the salary as a ransom to control your behaviour, please do not tell me that they care about you if they operate that way. They are using fear to get what they want.

LOVE : Now love is very different and the same actions sometimes unfold, but its a longer road. People don’t trust and love easily. Its not like fear is it… You cannot just tell people “I love and care for you” and poof you get instant results…
You have to nurture that environment, you have to respect the people in entirety.

Believe me its easier to get people to fear you and get results. Its not so easy to work with people and develop an atmosphere of mutual respect and love for each other.

I also would warn you that its so very subtle and we do not know the driving force behind our environment so easily.

Maybe “What if” or “So what” can guide you….

thehonestone