Tag Archives: love

Good enough….

There is a question that roams around on the inside of every guy. It is one that has to be answered, but it cannot be answered from inside. It is one of those things that simply has to come from an external source.

It is that question. “Do I have what it takes?”

Its a tough one, since if you don’t get that answered as a child by your father…. You will always seek it. I can only speak for a guy in this case. I can only try to reason what that question would be in a woman’s internal dialogue.

Maybe “Am I beautiful?” or “Am I wanted?”

These are questions only outside sources can vouch for. Self image and love for your self is important. But this question every human needs answered. And if it is not, it will haunt you whether you realise it or not.

In my case I think the first time I made a fire and cooked meat on that fire was in my late twenties. I never felt like I could do it before that. It is a mundane thing yes, but it was a milestone for me. For years I silently wondered if my father thought I was good enough to handle these things. I battled silently and eventually just got to the point internally and just sort of threw caution aside and jumped.

For most of my school days, I would come home with a B and the question would be, “Why is it it not an A?”

Yep, not good to have both parents as teachers hey ha ha ha. But it creates a thought pattern that grows and it slowly creeps up in your self talk. Is what I am doing good enough…..

It is not easy to venture into the world with all the questions one normally gives an ear to. But none is so dangerous as the do I have what it takes. It will lead young men down a path of trying to prove it in all the wrong places. Its how gangs are formed, how women get abused, how children are made to live without fathers…..

“Do I have what it takes?” echoes in the head. And the young man zips off to the next conquest. Because he is not sure he can do this father thing. Joins that gang, because here are guys who think I have what it takes and I have proven it to them….

Young lady, where do you find yourself? Trying to answer that question…..”Am I beautiful?” This very question will lead you to a very dark place if you don’t find that answer. You always ask it until you believe it.

“Am I wanted?” well that is another question that gets twisted and turned into a world of hurt for a young lady who does not find this from her mother and father.

I know we live in a very broken world, and life does not afford all to live in a stable loving home. Life is not fair….

But I assure you that as much as there is the bad, there is the good. Just don’t give in to the idea that the bad is all there is. Keep searching.

For the ones who had it good and right, help the others. “But it is not my issues” you say. Well time to take things a bit more personally than that. Whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not. We are all in this together. Sometimes people just don’t know what they don’t know.

What it comes down to is this. Whether you have asked those questions out loud yet, know that they are always there in the undertones of life. They have to be answered. Find good friends, find good people and talk it out. And then go change the world….

I leave you today with another one of those videos. I hope you are watching or listening to them…

Fighting Change

5He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. 6Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus.   Mark 3 vs 5-6

truth

It never fails to intrigue me. The way we fight something different that is in front of us. The reason I chose to show that scripture above  for a very specific reason.

Firstly the debate between the Pharisees and Jesus and then a direct display of the miracle happens in front of their eyes. The result….. exuberance and complete joy by all as they discover that God is in their midst…….

Nope, they plot to kill Jesus. How is that even remotely possible?

The status quo IMO is probably the most fought for thing in this world. More than anything. And once the masses pick up on it, there really is a mountain against the thought of change.

It happens on every level in life and scales to the largest entities. From the home, to school, to work, to life, to relationships, to companies, to empires, to movements, to cultures.

There are certain parts in my life that I really don’t want change in, and I fight it. There is a tendency in all of us as humans to want to revert to what we know all the time. Its an inbuilt mechanism designed to keep you where you are. Think about it. How often have you grown by doing and being involved with the same things and people.

When I was clubbing, guess what? Nothing more than the same thing ever occurred in my life. More drinking, more clubs and repeat. When I wanted to change, everyone around me could not grasp why. I am not saying it was easy or clear in my head at the time, but I needed to change and everything in me fought it. Granted I was in desperation mode  and it usually takes that level of desperation in me to want to change. I hang on for dear life to what I know, until I have to let it go.

We all do this. The question that I ask you today is where do you stand on change?

Now back to the actual point I was trying to get across. The Pharisees were “keepers of the truth”. Their lives revolved around the scriptures and maintaining the standards of truth. Yet, there was Jesus, the Truth Himself. And they plot to kill him because He did not fit their plans and ideas.

I don’t know how that is possible to reason. I know I do that too in life, but it really still mystifies me. I think it boils down to the fact that we just do not like to change, especially if it means it involves ourselves. I know its very easy to find an audience that identifies with your view point. Actually its easy to fill a stadium with people that agree with you on whatever side you find yourself on. But do you plot against change in your life?

When someone different or something different comes along your path, do you judge it according to all you already know?

Or are you open to the possibility that this might be the truth in front of you, trying to revolutionize your life and mind?

I am not asking you to hug and embrace change for change sake. But I ask that you at least consider that something different will definitely bring a different outcome to what is already happening in life.

Now yes you might lose some things here. And I think that is really what the Pharisees were working against. They feared that they would lose what they had right then. And of course yes you could let go of your power and control and never have it ever again, you might lose that person and never find another one. (you can clearly see I have been through this way too many times ha ha ha)

I guess I am asking you to think a but deeper and maybe not accept the level of comfort you have now. Also take a look around, the things that we fighting…… The people in our lives….. The company you are at, your business, your company you keep, the church you are at…..

I know change is hard, and life is tough. Maybe you are the agent of change, use tact, but speak the truth even if it feels like you will lose everything you know now. It is never easy being the odd one out, but an you really live with yourself knowing that you never spoke up, you let it go that way. You never did anthing about what you really wanted, you allowed the truth to slip through your fingers to remain on the side of comfort…..

When change comes knocking what are you going to do?

Plot against or allow it to shape you into who you are meant to be?

thehonestone

 

 

 

The Human Condition

human conditionIt has always baffled me to some degree.

Please understand that I am not a proponent of animal cruelty, but why is that people say that they cannot kill animals in an inhumane way? Yet they they have no issues eating this animal that was killed in a humane way.

At the other end of the stick we have animal rights people who refuse to eat animals and care very little about how they treat humans.

It must say a lot about how we view life and each other right? At one end we seek to lift up animals to a human level and at the other end we reduce human life to the same level as animals and treat each accordingly.

Granted the animal can do nothing to defend itself, whereas the human can.

Another difference is that one never sees an animal with an identity crisis either. Psychotherapy seems a treat only for us humans. We are the only creatures on earth that doubt ourselves and our purpose.

I wish I could say I have the answers to it all, but I really just cannot understand it all. It mind blowing in the sense that some of us who need to think a bit deeply….never do. The others think too much.

As the saying goes, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid people are full of confidence”… Charles Bukowski

Always the opposite of what it is meant to be hey.

Its a frustrating life you will receive if you ever question the status quo. Happy life if you don’t. Torturous life if you try to change something. And never mess with the compliance department.

We love things that hurt us and hate things that ultimately is good for us. We accept the rubbish and stop the good. It continues  from generation. We murder the people who ultimately speak the truth, and years, decades, centuries later, we celebrate them as visionaries.

We allow weak and manipulative and down right evil leaders to rule in our lifetimes, because we must accept all people and for the sake of democracy. The hilarious thing is the real people who fought for the democracy in the first place were taken out because they were too radical.

How many times has that happened to you? At your job you tried to affect change and got the brick wall. Until you leave and suddenly your ideas are implemented…..

Fascinating right?

Chew on that for a while….

 

thehonestone

 

community is a……dancer…

Please watch this first if you can.

I am one of those people that always seem to have music around me in life. Be it listening as driving, while working on a pc or even while doing the events we normally do.
Life should have a sound track right?

I think music is a great catalyst, and we see that go both ways. Good and bad. I have also had the misfortune of being around dance my entire life. Just kidding, not sure whether it was good or bad, since I have 2 left feet and have never found freedom in dancing myself. My mother and sister did ballet though, so ever since I was able to remember anything I was dragged to Eisteddfods and this dance and that performance.
It never escaped me. When it came to churches they danced there too.

When I eventually started working, guess what? Dance followed me….. Contemporary, Jazz, abstract (this is by far the worse kind to work with).

I joined a theatre (what on earth was I thinking????) Ballet, abstract to the nth degree, contemporary, you name it it was all there.

But to the point of the video above. I wanted to point out that life is like a dance. And I have been a huge believer that community around us is made of strong individuals. And we see that in the video. The performance is one unit, but many individuals. Which is a lot like how life is meant to be lived.
We don’t see that dazed look on any of the dancers….. You know that look… The one that goes “what on earth is the next move?”

dancer

Now I promise you I have seen that before, Although I find it hilarious, its a massive distraction and very noticeable. When the performance is good, when they all practised and know their part and bring it on stage. If they have an issue they focus on the director. The person next to them cannot help, they do not see the whole picture. Look the person next to you can assist if you stumble or fall, but they cannot fix your problem if your steps are wrong.

Now I am not one to agree with Shakespeare, that all the world is a stage. But there are preparation phases and implementation phases. When one implements something it is similar to a perfomance.

What I would like you to see is, the reason for community break down and why we suffer the break down in communication and I can go on and on.
If you as an individual focused on your part and “practised”, the collective would be stronger. If you live your dream, and all the traumas that brings with it, the community around it benefits as well.

You see it clearly in a choreographed dance like in the video. If you have only one that is unsure it affects the whole.

Community life is very much like a dance. It takes a lot of strong individuals to make it a healthy one. So the big question is where to find these healthy communities?????

Very easy to answer, become a healthy individual and follow what is inside of you. I promise you the outside environment will change.

I see so many people looking for answers in all the wrong places. And here I include myself. I am not saying we should never seek advice, but to make your decisions solely up to the advice you get, is rather dangerous.

If one looks at celebrities that go broke, after having millions and millions at their disposal, they lost it. How????
They handed the decisions to other people. They did not keep in touch with what was their responsibility.

You want to fix the world around you, change yourself and you will see the world change in front of you.

the honest one

The things we hate

Defining things in life are few and far between.

But pretty much all defining moments have intense feelings around them. Either we come across something that we truly hate, or something we cannot do without. It forces us to decide.

Throughout my life, I have lived on both ends. Loving it all, hating it all. Finding middle ground was never my strength in life. Fortunately people appear in life at the right time. I can get carried away in life, but there are some good friends in my life that keep me on planet earth. And quite willing to point out my short comings. Lol, we all need those right?

The things we hate in life, they force us to action. Or I hope not, inaction, defeat, giving up.

I have shared this before, but it was 1998 and I was caught up in the drug scene, and for most part of it I was happy in it. Until I started questioning. I wanted to know if this was it? Was this life? I sat there (okay I paced around) and all the things played around with me. I would amount to nothing, my life was over, I had failed, I was a 20 year old druggie. I would end up homeless, my studies was going nowhere, I worked at pick n pay. Somedays they sent me home because I was not fit to work. And the amount of days I worked while high or drunk was…. well I cannot count them.

druggie

I started to hate what was in front of me.

I am not telling you this to depress you, though I am sure I was depressed then. It made me decide to make a change. Granted a few experiences with God and people helped. I was the one that had to make the decision to walk away from everything I knew at that time.

It took the hatred of the situation to create a space for change.

Is there something you hate that much?

What is going on in your life now? Are you aware of the feelings running around in you? Does something you hate in life cause you to want to run away?

Face it. You will run forever until you learn to face it head on. Jumping back to when I decided to change direction in life, it took well over 4 months to work through and find some sort of definitive answer for myself.

My point is that, what seems negative is not always bad for us. Hating a situation can be good for us. As long as it inspires change.

Have you ever wondered how out of the same household some people succeed and the other sibling will flounder in life?

I can with certainty say it has to do with how one deals with defining moments. How one manages those itense moments in life.

Do you cower under pressure or do you rise to the occasion and face it head on.
Running in front of a raging bull is not wise, so pick your battles. Small ones first.

the honest one

The Things we Love

Letting go is never easy……

It was about 2 and a half years ago. At that time I was about to enter a very disconcerting situation. It would be my 10th year at the theatre I was employed at. I was unsettled….
I had never been involved with anything for 10 years other than my family at that time.
Also due to the fact I had applied to move into sales and I was offered the job.

Conflicted……..confused…..a bit out of my comfort zone…. Will I succeed? Will I fail? I used to wake up in cold sweats hearing voices that I will be in financial ruin…..
I decided to take the leap. I left what was most certainly a stable job with all benefits, to a job with little certain future no benefits and a cut in pay.

Was I successful? Depends on who you ask ha ha ha. The company would say no (well at least the immediate result would be a fail since sales is about the now and now only). I lasted about a year there. I am now a free lance engineer and have my own company. Life is not easy, and had to make some tough choices and really had to let go of a few things in life.

Am I happier? Yes a thousand times yes. Do I stress? Yes a million times yes. But it took me a long time to get there, but I did it.

The art of living life, and it is an art, is about finding the real you.
Underneath all the crap that we get taught by either bad experiences or clueless people in our lives.

It is my opinion and observation in life that most of us are not doing what we really want to do. Or let me state it this way….most of us are not doing what we are meant to do.

Why not? Because of the things we love….. Now please do not go tossing out the people in your life (though a few not being there could help the cause). I digress, or progress however you may see it.

We love nice things in our lives, we like being able to buy flat screens,smart phones, cars, houses, clothes, perfume, music, movies, the list can go on.

My question is, how many things in life do we actually need? And what are we working towards? Are the things you love really holding you captive?

things we love

I watched a program once called hoarders. When they asked the one guy why he never threw stuff away. He held onto the thing in his hand hugging it saying “No one ever stays, they always leave”. We can so easily judge a hoarder, because we see what they live in. But most people hoard, and shy away from making decisions. We don’t let go so easily do we?
It’s sad to see and by this I include myself. I struggle to let go of the things I think I need/want that may not be good for me. And more than likely they are, but my intense grip of it sometimes causes the opposite effect that the things are intended for. We need to look up, away, forward, sometimes into the past. But let me not get away from the main point here.

We are meant to be and do great things in life. Yet when we look around, can we really say that is true in life. Its easier to live it via other people, they can sing, talk, run, live so much better than you right??

We are meant to live our purpose, but most of us have killed that inner voice that whispers your dream into your ear when its silent. We run away from silence and kill it with stuff, we kill it with the wrong crowd. With noise basically.
We put on that plaster of living a good life, having the bond, the car the kids, and we sooth ourselves with the idea that we can be okay in the doldrums of life. No ups or downs just calmness. We don’t really learn anything we just exist.

We learned early that chasing mountain tops don’t bode well for us, we therefore flattened it for ourselves, no mountains no valleys.

Hardship and troubles are needed…..

Without them we simply will never grow, but reducing them or removing them causes so much unseen damage. Well unseen in the sense that you may never know what life was really meant to be.
Its why concerts are full, church pews are over filled, companies have endless lists of employees eager to work for less than the current ones, why people are so unhappy with their jobs.

WE ARE WILLING TO BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE SOMEHOW BETTER THAN US.

They are not, they just decided not to settle for second best in their life. I cannot accept it anymore, the lies and excuses I hear on a daily basis. And that is what it is, excuses and blatant lies. You are not meant for a comfortable life, you are not meant to just coast by.

AND YES IT MEANS YOU, YOU not anyone else. They not reading here, you are.

My question again, is the things you love keeping you from the things you are really meant to be involved in.

What are the things you love……

Have I accomplished all I wanted to? No. I am working out the other things I want to do. But I wanted to press some buttons in your life.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you meant to be and do. If you do fail, fail forward.

Now finding your purpose, well that is a story for another day……

the honest one

What women need…part 3

Here is the next one with a slightly different slant contributed by another young lady Heide, who refuses to start a blog. He he he no pressure at all hey…..

Safety
I think women need to know what creates safety for them. If a woman thinks it is money and an extremely handsome looking fella, then she must go find herself that man. I, however think it takes more than good looks and money (which by the way can easily disappear). The safety a woman needs, is a man settled in him and allowing the women to support him. Allowing her to be part of him. Are we not ultimately designed to be a man’s supporter? We come alongside a man and slot in with him. Therefore we need men that know who they are and what they are about. A man does not need to have everything figured out and have no failing areas. All I’m saying is that it is very easy to respect and support a man who knows himself and who is not easily tossed around by circumstances. Please don’t get me wrong, by this I do not mean a man is never allowed to hit a wobbly patch. In these times a woman needs to know that you trust her enough so that you can work through it together. You take the bad with the good.

It sort of looks to me trust=safety

Communication
So I already mentioned this. It is so important that a woman knows she is heard. This means granted the opportunity to speak to an attentive listener. Mostly problems miraculously disappear without fixing it if a man is truly in the conversation. I suppose good communication leads to the possibility of being understood. This means the world to a woman, that a man actually makes the effort of figuring her out.

Expressed appreciation
Women need to know that they are actually getting it right in supporting a man. A woman needs to know that a man sees the beauty in her and how she lives it out. The way it is expressed would look different for every woman.

Conclusion

I had no part in the description and I have copied it verbatim (barring of course certain greetings and so forth) Also a guy friend of mine said that he knows women to inherently want to improve their environment and this means they often want to change things> Men don’t always see it as improvement though and tend to think they want to change them. I don’t know hey, I suspect the ladies will comment and correct us here.

My thoughts, though I have many, I will only say this. I don’t think we can always have point forms in life about life. Sometimes we give and take more than we should.
But hey that’s life hey, it happens whether we ready or not.

Hope to check out your comments….

the Honest One

p.s this is the last time I give over the blog to women, shoo 3 posts on the same topic :)…..ha ha ha just kidding ladies, you are all welcome to write a guest blog post hey….let me know…