Tag Archives: Truth

to be honest…..

I have never really been a person for meaningless statements. In fact on a normal day I don’t talk much.
That does not mean I cannot talk nonsense, I have a degree in nonsense talk….. You may apply if you want to learn..

I can however assure you that, when I say I will do something, it is as good as done. But not everybody does that these days. The culture of today is rather fickle and its rather hard to take somebody seriously at their word. It is flimsy, but what can one do? Now it is a matter of looking at context and area of life when somebody tells me something they will do.

I guess I am a rather cynical person because I have distilled it to the point of I don’t believe anyone means anything and I am surprised if they follow through.

Cynical-104071880767

We say so many things like, “how are you?” and we get so shocked when the person starts unpacking how they are…..
We say let’s do coffee…..and months later you never did.
We say “I’ll pray for you…..” and you know you don’t.

It is almost like we think we can just say the thing we think the other person needs to hear and that let’s us off the hook. We made them feel better…. Yay for us.

“To be honest”. This is a phrase I truly despise. I know it is an adverbial disjunct (the technical term for it), but its annoying. Should I conclude that unless you say “to be honest” that everything else you say is a lie?

honesty lies

Perhaps it is because I take my word seriously. I guess that is a challenge for someone out there. You can take me up on that. If I give a yes, I will do it.
And this filters into every level of communication for me. I am the most contactable person, you can pretty much get me on every platform, not 24/7 (yet lol).
Which describes my other irritation in life. Technology is not good for this frustration. You can see when a message is delivered as well as read. You can setup read receipts, and one wonders why people never respond.

You send out emails and no one responds. I can understand this maybe in a social setting, but businesses do this too. You come to a live chat and you just know this is an automated response because you type in a question and twiddle your thumbs for 15 mins and no answer.
Its mean, and demeaning.
Its not being a human.

We expect our wants and requests to be done….now, but we don’t give a rat’s behind for the next person’s wants or needs.

To be honest……I don’t think we know how anymore. To be honest I mean.

My rant is almost over (I have one a year okay).

I have calmed down on this over the years. I used to take people at their word, and boy its not healthy to do that hey.

My challenge to you, when you say something that is remotely a promise, try and do it. Just for a week. But really try it. Don’t let yourself off the hook.

the honest one

Sticks and stones….But names will never……

I suppose we all know the old saying “Sticks and stones can hurt my bones, but names will never hurt me…” Could not be further from the truth hey….

If anything the names will hurt you in a far more vivid manner and could cause you life long pain rather than being physically hurt. We spend way more time nursing our inner wounds than we do our outer ones.

Which brings me to our country’s current trending topics. RACISM. I can think of 3 separate occurrences that have happened in the last few months that sparked a nationwide comment frenzy and reaction.

First being the Grabouw incident where Black and Coloured (mixed race) fought over their differences.

I think of Jessica Leandra (the FHM model) that made her “racial” comment on twitter that caused her to lose her sponsorship (ridiculous don’t you think?) check it out here

Ken Sinclair’s comment on facebook has caused him to be suspended. Check it out

Reading about all this has made me quite happy……I know, I know you may think me to be some weird and sadistic, but if you give me a moment you might just agree…
IMO, South Africa changed far too quickly. If we want any form of lasting change in our lives, they normally come over long periods of time and with much trauma. Also any form of real change has to be from the inside out and a collective decision.
That was not the case here, too many things hinged off one thing, Mandela’s reaction. But since he came out with a non violent approach, no one dared approach it with any form of violence. Look I am not saying that what he did was not a great thing, but people had anger and anger unexpressed evolves into all sorts of strange outworkings. But nevertheless, South Africa did have change, and the world took note.

But mostly what the people here had was a knee jerk reaction. Now even simple words were taken out of context and everyone avoids the possibility of having the idea that they could be a racist. Even if one is one, no one will dare say it aloud. For obvious reasons don’t you think.

You stand to lose a lot by declaring your honest opinion. I am not saying we are all racist, I just mean that beliefs do not disappear simply because we want them to go. Some people are in fact prejudiced still and that will take time to change. But change never comes without fights and differences of opinion, it means a healthy approach. In some cases it may have just been better to fight it out rather than have the silence…..Silence is only good if the issues inside are dealt with. And to deal with the issues you have to be honest. I think as a nation we finally getting to the point of honesty. (at least the start)

Why I say I am happy about the people’s racial comments and actions, well, they are being honest. And it means that for once we are not sugar coating our real selves. I do think its ridiculous for the student to be suspended and for the model to lose her sponsorship, I think its an overreaction, but hey that’s just me. We all make mistakes and we all have our little beliefs that others would find offensive. But to imply that no one else thinks that way, well…… And the people in question did try and bring restitution after the events. To me that settles it. On the plus side, I have never seen so many comments on articles by South Africans….so I am quite happy that people are willing to give their opinions.

Ooh and another proud moment for me as a South African is when the Etoll story came to a grinding halt.

I have never seen such unified actions by our people.
I think we are at a good starting place for now…..

the Honest One

What if’s or So What’s……

I grew up in a family of what if’s.
How can you wear that socks? What if you are in an accident? How can you go dressed like that, what if people see you in the road? How can you drive so late, what if you are in an accident? WHAT IF……..

It drove me mad, yet it stuck and replayed always whenever I tried something. My way of coping was to ask myself…..

That 2 words helped me out of the “what if” mentality. I mean “so what” in the sense of “so what if I make a mistake I know they care”.
But the words had to come from something deeper.
And it got me thinking. There are usually 2 driving forces at work behind most of what we are involved with these days. Both have the same goals (mostly) but very different approaches.

Fear and Love, I know it sounds so cliche’ but it really does seem to provide a way for us to do something. Whether we pick up the dirt for fear of the consequences (a dirty yard, authorities,etc.) or whether we pick it up for love for our significant other, parents, flat mates, house mates……. we still end up doing the same action.

But the journey there is so much different isn’t it?

When we are doing it because of fear we do not need much more coaxing and fear alone can get us to do it.
Whereas when we are doing it in love, well the driving force is so much different.

And the characteristics for the two forces are opposites too.

FEAR : Respect enforced, Forced actions for fear of consequence, your opinion not relevant, your personality not really accepted or taken into account.

Most companies hold the salary as a ransom to control your behaviour, please do not tell me that they care about you if they operate that way. They are using fear to get what they want.

LOVE : Now love is very different and the same actions sometimes unfold, but its a longer road. People don’t trust and love easily. Its not like fear is it… You cannot just tell people “I love and care for you” and poof you get instant results…
You have to nurture that environment, you have to respect the people in entirety.

Believe me its easier to get people to fear you and get results. Its not so easy to work with people and develop an atmosphere of mutual respect and love for each other.

I also would warn you that its so very subtle and we do not know the driving force behind our environment so easily.

Maybe “What if” or “So what” can guide you….

thehonestone

The Honest Truth

At first glance the honest truth sounds like redundancy, but I assure you its not. Honesty and truth are not the same thing.

Let me explain. When I was younger, I really believed that my parents never loved me. Honestly, if you had asked me then I would have said it with a straight face. And of course, because I believed that, all actions seemed to validate it. But it was not true, they really did love me, I just could not understand that they showed it differently to what I wanted or needed then.

Its what I call globalizing a local situation. You know what I mean?

A woman gets hurt my a man in a relationship and suddenly all men are dogs. Thats globalizing a local situation. The woman is taking an honest situation and building a truth out of it (for her anyway) and applying it to all. You get what I mean?
We all do it to a certain extent, when we get sick, suddenly it seems like we will be this way forever and we panic. But then we get better. Or maybe its just me, since I hate the doctor. Or even worse, the dentist, I have an ache and I reason how I will live with the pain (rather than have it seen to ha ha ha).

Honesty and truth are not the same thing. Truth is always true, honesty is dependent on our perception. We get it wrong so often and I hope people would understand the difference.

To the woman who has had her heart broken, yes he has hurt you, but its not true that all men are like that.

To the one who takes an honest look at their life and realise they do not like it, and want to end it because its too much for them to handle, don’t because its not true that you cannot make it through. Yes you are being honest, but it will change, all of life is not like this moment. Yes its just a moment. The moment is not worth taking your life.

Its not good to globalize what is local, or better put. Make permanent what is clearly temporary. Its not always good to build a life truth out of an honest situation, it might just be your perception of it.

If only we will learn that honesty and truth are not always the same thing………

thehonestone