Monthly Archives: October 2011

Women are from the East and men are from the west….

Today is a bit tongue in cheek, so please do not take offence.

This is an excerpt from the book Outliers, it is a conversation between an employee (Mr. Kim) and his boss, a division chief (Kwacang)

Kwacand : It’s cold and I’m hungry
(Meaning : Why don’t you buy a drink or something to eat?)

Mr. Kim : How about having a glass of liquor?
(Meaning : I will buy liquor for you.)

Kwacang : It’s okay. Don’t bother.
(Meaning : I will accept your offer if you repeat it.)

Mr. Kim : You must be hungry. How about going out?
(Meaning : I insist upon treating you)

Kwacang : Shall I do so?
(Meaning : I Accept)

That’s a strange conversation. But nevertheless its one that happens to be quite normal in a specific culture.

As the title states its an Asian culture. Most of Asia is receiver orientated when it comes to communication. meaning that it is up to the receiver to interpret what someone is saying to them.

Western culture has what we call a transmitter orientation. this means that the responsibility to communicate ideas clearly, are with the speaker.

Therefore my conclusion…. With regards to the slight communication gap between women and men…. Is that women have a receiver orientation and men a transmitter orientation….

What do you think?


The world is flat….

It is the nature of man to want to rule. There in lies no problem. It is when man desires to rule over each other that we come into a whole myriad of traumas and issues.

I know we are taught to look at life and people as operating in levels. For example…. We see an artist and we think wow they are so awesome (John Mayer cool artist)

And we look at our inability to do that and we assume that they are better than us, right?

I don’t think that is the right way to look at it. I think we are all in different life phases. Lets zoom in quickly to describe what I mean. You are starting to learn about blogging ( so you are in the baby phase) and to compare yourself to let’s say Seth Godin, would be silly. He is in the matured phase of blogging. It does not necessarily mean he is better, it simply means right now he has more experience than you.

This fits into all life areas and also how we apply it really depends on how you see life.

To me the world is flat, meaning that we are all on the same playing field in various phases of life in different areas. Not one is “better” than the other.

This does not mean I do not learn from those that know, of course I do. I just do not place them higher than me as a human (and that I had to learn over a long time).
It allows us to live to our true potential and not be afraid.

Nobody is under somebody else, I know this could lead to a really strange environment. I do believe in mutual respect and the willingness to submit to someone when they do know better (more life experience).

But I do believe that hierarchical type structures do more harm than good to our development. That said let me say I am not a communist/socialist neither am I a full blown capitalist.
I think I am more interested in the community that lives despite the ruling parties. The ruling party could be a socialist bunch but terrible humans and the result would be disastrous. On the other hand we could have a capitalist environment and have really good humans run it and have a better experience.

In short I think fighting over the system that runs is a waste of time, its better to focus on the quality of life within that and the system used will work better.

What do you think?


Behind the scenes….

Its my 100th post today…. Yay…

I thought it would be fitting to pull the curtain back a bit and see what thehonestone is really about.
But before we go there lets go to the very beginning…

Click here to visit my very first post way back when I was a newbie in the blogging world.

Ha ha ha…… really weird going back there. So now that you had a good look into my humble beginnings, back to where we are today.

I am a 34 year old guy, single and never been married (ever). That does mean I have never tried….. Lots of heart break stories to tell.

I try to live a healthy life, therefore I make my own ginger beer (from the GB Plant), I ferment my own kombucha (a fermented tea of sorts) and even make kefir (a fermented milk). I also have a little earthworm farm, which lives in an old bath.

I also trade currencies on the forex market, so I guess combine the 2 things and you get a “green capitalist”, although with marginal success in the markets I am not a very good one.

And apparently there is such a thing as a green capitalist.

My blog (thehonestone) I started more because I simply wanted to jot down the ideas (and some frustrations) I have from day to day. At first it was simply an outlet, but it has grown a bit into an “open to discuss” environment, which I thank you all for.
I used thehonestone as my blog name, because I think honesty is severely lacking in the world today, everybody quotes there results and figures and it leaves one left out in the dark and thinking that life is too hard. Or even worse, maybe only the “gifted” make it.

When I say honesty is lacking I include Christianity as a whole here which I suppose is my main reason for commenting on life. I think real honesty is waning in the larger world of Christianity and I hope that will be corrected, every one has their part so hopefully my little contribution will help…….
That said I am never in anyone’s face about beliefs pertaining to God, simply because I think its unnecessary, we are all grown ups here and if you seek truth you will find it (if you seek it). That is not a punt for christianity it simply means I respect your beliefs, so equally I ask people to respect mine. I don’t force mine on people and neither do I expect it from people. Click here to read a series I wrote on a friends blog that more encapsulates what I believe.

i live my life on the basis of the saying, “It is better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission”. My maxim in life.

Anyway enough serious stuff.

What have I learned over the past year blogging?

Nothing, the point is for you to learn from my infinite wisdom (insert evil laugh here)

ha ha ha, just kidding.

I have enjoyed connecting with people, other bloggers and simply like the sharing opinions and life’s little lessons.

There is always lots more to a person than what we see therefore I like blogging, I think my real beliefs are captured here…untainted from the wrongful use of words (by sometimes the offense of people)
People are less likely to react instantly when its written down than spoken. People often tell me that I write so differently to how I am in every day life. I guess my only answer to that is that, they are stuck judging the container and are not bothered about the content.

You will find a common vain in the blog. Time, benefit of the doubt, and depth of character. I am not saying I embody that, simply that I think we tend to judge each other too quickly, by a measure of standards that we ourselves don’t normally live and we simply don’t make the time to really get down to what it is all about.

I hear too many people say I don’t have time, really????? Everybody has enough time, its how you use it…….

Anyway I am getting away from myself here…..

So here I am a 100 posts later, I hope everyone sticks around for the next 100.

There are a few changes in the pipelines, nothing major, just testing a few thing out….

Thank you to all who read my blog and comment I really appreciate it. if there is anything you would like to know, drop a comment I always reply if it needs one.


When we don’t know, what we don’t know

You walk into the store, you see the thing that you want (well more or less). And you have to have it. Trouble is you not sure which one to take, so you grab a salesperson and proceed to ask them which one they recommend and…………………………….

That is what usually happens hey. And we all do that, but whatever comes out of the salespersons’ mouth will most certainly not be what is best for you. Right?
This is where we don’t know what we don’t know.

I almost never do that, and since google I doubt I ever will. But I know some who do…
It fascinates me that we can sometimes just, not know what we don’t know. It allows us to be manipulated or at least the possibility of being manipulated.

And this rings true for most environments that we find ourselves in. A lot of what we do and say and act, is simply on good faith. We don’t really know what we get ourselves into, in everything.

I do not mean that we must suddenly become all overly cautious and question all things as if they are conspiracies….But it would do us well to simply question what comes in out path. Ultimately it is our lives, no one else can do that for us hey.

I guess I mean we should be more intentional. Don’t leave it up to chance, but be open to possibility.

What do you think?


Where will you be in five years time?

Where will you be in 5 years time?

I am not a fan of that question, even though they always seem to ask it at an interview. What is it suppose to describe about you?

Let me ask it this way rather, are you now where you envisioned yourself 5 years ago? I am sure the general direction was there, but who knows that exactly. There are so many variables in life, no one can know that for definite where they will be in a year let alone 5.
And with the current trend of business in companies, no one stays at a company as long as 5 years anyway.

People do not even stay at churches these long these days, so I really wonder why they still ask that question to people.
I think the better question is “What do you have planned for your life?”

Because that leaves the question open and allows the person to be more honest in their answer. I mean the 5 year question in the context of an interview, ha ha ha, how can that not be tailored to suit the situation.

I guess the other question could be tailored too, but at least its a more open statement. Or even better, how do you handle life now?

Maybe even a few exercises to see how people handle situations. (I guess you can see that I almost completely disagree with how interviews are done these days). Think about it…. When a company hires someone, they are asking you to spend a lot of your time there, one would think they would want to make well informed decisions, don’t you?

Yet they spend maybe 30 mins with you, and you really not yourself (I mean your authentic self) in the interview. So I think interviews should be a longer process to see if the people are a good fit and then both parties make informed decisions.

Also life is far too organic to define what and where all the time. I think its good to have a basic idea, but be open to possibilities.

And lets for argument’s sake say that you are asked the dreaded question about your 5 year plan and your answer is…..”I am open to possibilities.” Would they think you are cuckoo?

Yet its an entirely valid answer, because many people are not open to any possibility, you might be the very person needed to change the place….

So where will you be in 5 years?

This is a video that pokes fun, but has a deeper meaning, check it out if you like worship music and know the oldies and some new ones


Change is not always for the better….

Its no secret that I am a sound engineer (live). And I have been for the last 11 years or so….

I have listened to various mics on very different instruments, some because we could, and others because that was what the budget depicted for us. So we are always comparing and trying to get the best sound possible for everything.

Which causes many people to tout their mic as the latest greatest piece of equipment this side of the globe, and we should drop everything and buy this new one. And lets say we actually test the mic, and find it does sound “better”.

Which is where I want to pause for a bit today, its not always better, sometimes its just different.

Most times that turns out to be the case and just ends up a huge distraction or simply people who have no idea but have a say (management) ending up accepting the marketing of the products.

Sometimes its shiny object syndrome (I confess to having that ha ha ha). We always after the latest greatest toy.

So the question is….. And I do not mean for us to discard all new things or to improve on the current.
The reason I mention this, is when things come up, we can then evaluate it, rather than just accept it because its the new way.

We always hear clamour from marketing gurus that this is the way to go, forget the way you are doing it.

Even in sound recording we seem to be chasing our tails sometimes. Early days everyone used valve microphones (because there was no other way), but then the transistor came out and made it cheaper and “better” as they put it.

Well, today we buy valve and ribbon mics at top dollar because we know them now to be the better mic. Only now its not cheap. It was a long and expensive road to end up where we were before.

Change that is made just for change’s sake is not always for the better….
I hope we do not do this in life…..


A moment in life….

Just over a week now and the church conference is over…. Not that I am much of a conference person, but if you are doing sound, well then you have a no real choice but to sit through it hey.

But I wanted to share something with you guys and gals.

Over the conference weekend a real moment happened (maybe revealing my age more than anything).

When I was a new christian (whatever that may mean) I purchased my first worship album in 1999 Winds of Worship, Vol. 12: Live From London

It was a departure from music I had always been listening to up until then (mostly dance tracks before then). But on this album was a fellow South African Brenton Brown and Canadian singer/guitarist, Brian Doerksen. A few other artists that I followed for a while. Anyway it was a really eye opening album for me since I never knew christians did such music at the time.

Back to the present, so here I am doing sound at the conference and who is one of the artists appearing? Brian Doerksen. It was such a moment, from nearly 12 years ago when I was listening to an album to today (or that day) when I was behind the sound desk doing sound for the “real thing”.

Not too bad because last year I also met one of my favourite authors, Frank Viola. So I am having fun hey.

So I am not sure is that just means I am getting old and these things mean things to me, devotionally I mean. It was such moments for me. I really don’t know if it would mean much to any other person, but these people helped shape who I am today, so it was really strange to meet them in person when all of my experience of them was from a distance or through media only.

Has this happened to anyone?

It was just a strange feeling to be controlling the sound of the person who actually wrote the songs versus a normal worship service where our team sings the very songs.

Anyway just thought I would share this with you….


Steve Jobs R.I.P.

I found this words on a comment on youtube. I am not sure if this person came up with it, but I thought it was very good and funny.

Three Apples changed the world

1.Adam’s Apple

2.Newton’s Apple

3.Steve’s Apple

R.I.P Steve

I really did not plan on posting something about Steve Jobs, but I really respect this man’s work and vision he gave to the world. Just paying my respect to one of our times legends and really a thought and life leader. Still though I never knew him personally, it feels like a loss. Knowing Steve Jobs was out there, left the possibility for something we had never seen or thought of to come to life.

So this is my shout out to Steve Jobs.

And for the week I will run the blog on the theme of where it all started…

Here is a speech which I think shows the Guy’s pure genius

Oh and before I leave, here is another tweet flying around, “10 years ago we had STeve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash, now er have no jobs, no hope and no cash….”

Could not resist putting this one in here


Embracing your pain

Pain, the big one. We all have this in our lives. At least at some point you will experience some pain. It has troubled mankind since the beginning of time.

I know this might sound strange, but there are some people who long for pain. People who have leprosy….. Yep that is correct, they lack the ability to feel pain. And this is what ultimately causes more harm than good.

Our sense of pain warns us that there is something dangerous and we should move away. But if we lack the sense of pain (in whatever form be it physical, emotional,etc) then we will fail to protect ourselves when danger occurs.

That said, many of us shy away from pain (emotional) and we will do anything in our power to avoid experiencing any form of it.

Yet that is our very thing we should embrace. Our pain can either break us or shape us. And when we look into life we see the two responses in people’s lives. Two people will experience some form of hurt, the one will be completely broken and never recover, the other will work through it.

Its rather strange since the two people might even experience the same trauma and have different outcomes. It puzzled me for a while. And when I looked into it I realised that its simply how these people viewed pain.

One would embrace the pain and work it out realising that its only for a moment. The other would let that pain define their life and repeat it and repeat it over and over. It would ultimately destroy their life.

So the question is how do you deal with the pain in your life?

Do we allow the pain to define us?

Or do we see the circumstances and know that it is hard, but go through and work through things, facing the pain head on.

The only way I can describe the good side of embracing your pain is…… Before I answer that.

Have you ever watched a 3-D movie? Have you ever watched a 3-D movie without the 3-D glasses? Thats how life is without dealing with your pain….. You can see and you are living the experience, but there is no depth, you are not seeing the full picture.

Now embrace your pain and you will see the depth, its like you are given the 3-D glasses of life. Suddenly you have a meaningful appreciation for life, when you look you really see.

Its hard to explain until you experience it for yourself.

Embrace Your Pain, don’t let it ruin you or break you. We all have pain so you are not the only one going through what you are going through.


The 2 degree difference

I read a book while ago(most of it at least). It was called the 2 degree difference. Before I explain what the book is about lets look at a few things first.

2 degrees physically measured is virtually nothing.

But once there is a degree shift from a point, the lines never join again. In fact with time and distance applied the distance becomes even further than the original point. And this is where the 2 degree difference affects us.

In life often we find ourselves on a path that we never intended on being on. This happens even with the best of intentions. And this is where the book above can help shed some light on it.

We never end up on the wrong road by drastic measures like 180 degree turns do we?
No, but its those minute decisions and little errors that added together make us take a wrong road or direction.

And the author John Trent reasons that if that is how we ended up on the wrong road, well then that is how we should return to the right road.

I agree…. lets take for example we go to the doctor and take some tests and we discover that our blood sugar levels, blood pressure and everything else is off the charts……

The most common response is that we suddenly change our diet, we start exercising, we are open to suggestion. You know the drastic measures applied immediately. We don’t stop to think, but hey……..I got here over time and incrementally(2 degrees)….

The only way out is the same way we got there, slowly over a period of time.

Another way the 2 degree principle helped me, was in starting a change. Every winter I have a few additions in my life, I add a few kilograms, a few centimetres, etc. And when it comes to spring and time to hop on the bicycle I always am so shocked as to how on earth did I pick up so much weight. One would think after all these years I would learn my lesson, but nonetheless I always find myself there.

And when i think of all the drama of exercising and eating right again its very easy not to start at all. I then approach it in 2 degree steps. I start adding one little thing or taking one little thing away. And over a period of time I am back in lets say better shape for now.

Moral of the story, if you find yourself very far from where you intended, don’ try and do drastic measures to return to where you need to be, after all it was not drastic steps that got you to where you are now. And at the same time don’t look at the process of getting to the right road as this monumental step that is so huge and blocking your life.

Take each 2 degree step one at a time…….. soon you will be back where you need to be.