Monthly Archives: September 2015

The war is over

soldier

A soldier takes many years to prepare and get his mindset and physical state ready for war. And soon the day arrives when the sirens go and that soldier is called into the war zone…

Guns, rifles, machine guns, tanks. Bombs going off, bullets zipping by your ears. Death is knocking on your door, danger lurks around every corner…. You have to be on guard all the time. Sleep with one eye open is the norm.

But there comes a day when you have to return to normal life. What happens then? No bombs going off, no danger around every corner. Death is still there, but knocking right now. It’s not like you can just flip a switch and turn off your senses. They have been trained to be alert. But its not needed anymore.

I guess that is why soldiers end up with P.T.S.D. It is just a traumatic experience to transition from war to normal life. You simply cannot just let go of all that you have seen. The state you have to get your mind to in order to survive. And then suddenly you back with the normal people who in general probably have never even seen someone being killed.

We do this in life as well. We grow up in a bad environment, meaning actual area, issues in the family, bad people….the list goes on. And we develop defense mechanisms to help us cope with the rubbish happening either around us or to us. And it works, we come out the other side.

But now we are grown up and we are able to handle life now. The threat is gone….
But the walls are still up and we still react as if we in the war zone.

The_Walls_Are_Closing_In_by_CrazyontheInside

The walls that once saved you, are killing you now. You still at war, but the war is over. You still protecting yourself even though no one is trying to harm you.
Only you know if this is true in your life.

It comes across as strength when people see it, but its not true strength. Its a fascade.

It will take some work to get out there. Nothing that is truly valuable in life comes easy. And maybe you will have good people around you that are willing to take the beating it takes to help you remove those walls. Although you are the only one that can ultimately break it down.

thehonestone

Advertisements

Thought….Speak….Action….

To think, speak then act is probably an automated response in the human experience. You think I want to go out, you tell someone you going out and then you go out. Simple…..

I think the greatest divide is caught in the difference between those three separate processes.

What we think, I mean really think, we never say. What we say, we hardly do. What we do is sometimes not what we thought. We never thought we would ever do that.
How could I think that?
Why did we say that?
I never meant that….

I believe what you do

A lot of things happen in life and we believe a lot of things. The trouble is most of it is an illusion and not real. And we seem to be okay with believing that illusion because it gives us a feeling of security. We tell the people “whatever you have to believe in order to get things done”. Because getting things done is the top order of the day in all cases.
But the truth of the matter is, that what you do is ultimately what you really believe. Whether that is based on actual truth, mmmmmm we would have to check that. Results in any particular area does not always define the truth to be so. You could be very wrong and still get the outcome you wanted.

This is often why many just plod along, they get what they want….. money, the husband, the girl, the wife, the job, the promotion. As long as they don’t know its fine. Well at some point you will have to face the truth….you will….it takes either a short time or a very long time to come around, but you will have to face the truth.

Just “eat that frog”. Get it out of the way. Life is simply too short to keep running and avoiding the truth and being honest.

Scripture says the truth will set you free, but honesty will give you rest on the inside. I mena rest to live from the inside out. Facing what you want to be and making your actions match up is probably the hardest thing, but would you rather be a snake oil sales person?

Its a weapon in your hands. Knowing that people act what they believe rather than what they say. Colleges, universities, schools, and various institutions are filled with people talking and convincing you to learn their ways. You pay a huge sum of money to be there and listen and theorise. You discuss concepts, ideas and then you leave.

Now if what you thought and said were all that counts, success would be granted immediately from that point would it not?

Yet half of those graduates end up as employees that are very unhappy in their careers. On the other end of the spectrum people who hardly even complete their studies, get and idea and just do it. And they make it.

I don’t mean that thinking is the poorer option or education. Discussion is also good. But if these things do not match up to what you do, then you really don’t believe it. And the true change in this world is always made by those that believe and do.

You decide…

Good enough….

There is a question that roams around on the inside of every guy. It is one that has to be answered, but it cannot be answered from inside. It is one of those things that simply has to come from an external source.

It is that question. “Do I have what it takes?”

Its a tough one, since if you don’t get that answered as a child by your father…. You will always seek it. I can only speak for a guy in this case. I can only try to reason what that question would be in a woman’s internal dialogue.

Maybe “Am I beautiful?” or “Am I wanted?”

These are questions only outside sources can vouch for. Self image and love for your self is important. But this question every human needs answered. And if it is not, it will haunt you whether you realise it or not.

In my case I think the first time I made a fire and cooked meat on that fire was in my late twenties. I never felt like I could do it before that. It is a mundane thing yes, but it was a milestone for me. For years I silently wondered if my father thought I was good enough to handle these things. I battled silently and eventually just got to the point internally and just sort of threw caution aside and jumped.

For most of my school days, I would come home with a B and the question would be, “Why is it it not an A?”

Yep, not good to have both parents as teachers hey ha ha ha. But it creates a thought pattern that grows and it slowly creeps up in your self talk. Is what I am doing good enough…..

It is not easy to venture into the world with all the questions one normally gives an ear to. But none is so dangerous as the do I have what it takes. It will lead young men down a path of trying to prove it in all the wrong places. Its how gangs are formed, how women get abused, how children are made to live without fathers…..

“Do I have what it takes?” echoes in the head. And the young man zips off to the next conquest. Because he is not sure he can do this father thing. Joins that gang, because here are guys who think I have what it takes and I have proven it to them….

Young lady, where do you find yourself? Trying to answer that question…..”Am I beautiful?” This very question will lead you to a very dark place if you don’t find that answer. You always ask it until you believe it.

“Am I wanted?” well that is another question that gets twisted and turned into a world of hurt for a young lady who does not find this from her mother and father.

I know we live in a very broken world, and life does not afford all to live in a stable loving home. Life is not fair….

But I assure you that as much as there is the bad, there is the good. Just don’t give in to the idea that the bad is all there is. Keep searching.

For the ones who had it good and right, help the others. “But it is not my issues” you say. Well time to take things a bit more personally than that. Whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not. We are all in this together. Sometimes people just don’t know what they don’t know.

What it comes down to is this. Whether you have asked those questions out loud yet, know that they are always there in the undertones of life. They have to be answered. Find good friends, find good people and talk it out. And then go change the world….

I leave you today with another one of those videos. I hope you are watching or listening to them…

On….purpose…

on purpose

You arrive at work, you get your morning coffee, grab a quick bite to eat… You have a meeting to get to, you going to be a few mins late. You gulp the coffee, you enter the room all eyes are looking at you. You still reeling from the argument you had with your spouse this morning, you forgot something about the children…….. You quickly brush that aside and get on with your day.

The day ends, you prepare your head for the long commute home…..traffic…. You get home and the questions get hurled at you, you manage to wade through that and you eventually get some time to yourself, 1 min 2 min 3 min…..”Suppers’s ready!”

You still have work to do, you wait till they all asleep….finally peace and quiet. You work till your eyes cannot handle it anymore…

You wake up 5am……

repeat….

 


You arrive at church, the praise songs have started. You manage to get the family seated and the baby is crying. You grab the baby and get out. There goes your time of “focusing on God”. The music stops, announcements, you think “Maybe this child will quieten down and I can make the sermon at least, my husband is already giving me the look”.

There goes the worship music, the sermon, and it’s over….

Ah well, I will get the next one.

Next sunday….

repeat…


 

Is that really what life is meant to be? There must be more.

My question to you today is, why are you doing what you doing?

What you are busy with today is really what shapes your tomorrow. And we forget that sometimes.
We tell ourselves that we need to pay the bills, and we just need to pay this off and that off. The years pass by and you wonder how on earth you got here…. more debt than you started with, same problems just bigger and you never worked on the things you meant to.

I really cannot be okay with the idea that we are meant to live on earth to make do. Pay the bills and get on with it….

There has to be a reason why we are here…..

I also think that deep down we all know that we need to do something specific, but we kill it with stuff we don’t need and then use that stuff as an excuse to not do what we need to do. You are not meant to be normal and average, yet so often we simply want to blend in. We hate the trauma that comes along with standing out and making a difference. We put those that do on a pedestal and say that they are different and talented and therefore it absolves us from doing something that counts…

If you believe that you have a specific purpose, what are you doing now about it? Is what you doing now contributing towards your purpose? And I do not mean goals. I mean that sensing internally of which you know you feel you need to do with your life.

Once you know that, what do you do?

Stop what you doing?

I don’t think so. Not wise to do that. I think the best situation is to straddle. By that I mean you keep doing what you doing, but you start on what you need to do. Because too often we blame the reason for not starting on things because we so busy now.

Yes it takes time and effort, but you don’t have to do it now do you? You could keep doing and going the way you going. Keep paying your bills for the things you think you need and keep going to the places you think you need to go to.

Its just that sensing will never leave hey. When you lay at night and doze off…. the feeling that you not doing what you are meant to do. You are tired and burnt out trying to keep all things together, but find no satisfaction at all. No rest, I mean real rest….

That is when you know that your purpose is calling you.

This is not about making money or making it big. You tell yourself “It is just until I get the promotion, until I get the house paid, until the children are out of school.”

STOP. I assure you that you will never get where you think you need to be. Until you grasp this thing we call purpose.

It is when you start doing meaningful things and it just clicks and just know this is what I am meant to be doing. It resonates with your very being. Anything less won’t do. It’s when you willing to give up things that just don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

I find that when I get away from the noise of life things become easier to see and hear. And I am very good at creating noise to create distraction.

And that is one of the enemies of purpose….distraction.

Another big killer of purpose is……you can guess…..fear of failure.

Here is a bit of motivation to get back on the horse again…

 

thehonestone

 

Dear John…..

Confrontation is not always the easiest thing in life. I know its not easy for me. It always feels like I lose something in that process. Yet its necessary to confront things and people at least periodically.

dear john

You remember that series? “Dear John” ” by the time you read this letter I will be gone….” and the rest of the series was John dealing with life all on his own.
It seems so unfair on John in the series. Life on his own and all the questions…
Has someone ever walked out on you? And I don’t just mean a spouse. A friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a colleague? No explanation, just gone……

Other than the issue of you on your own, you are left to wonder why? All on your own….

I know it seems like one is saving the person trauma, but it really comes down to the “leaver” being selfish and not wanting to confront things head on.

I remember a time when I was in college and a close friend just never pitched up the next semester. No explanation, no communication……just gone….. I suppose she never owed me an explanation, but it would of helped I think.

I guess it comes down to value and the ability to correctly place that value on the correct things and then act.

If you value freedom and people in life, learn to confront things and people. It will only help in the long run.

I make a point of always letting people in my life know where they stand. Sometimes too much and sometimes I slip up. But honesty is very high up in my list values.
Its not easy, nothing of value in life is. Your business, relationships and family will change.

In fact I see it a lot in companies as well. Instead of dealing with the actual person who causes problems, companies create blanket rules for all. How cowardly…..

Churches do it too… People do this all the time. No one loves confrontation. There is always a loss, but there is a gain as well.

You decide….

thehonestone