Tag Archives: Choices

Good enough….

There is a question that roams around on the inside of every guy. It is one that has to be answered, but it cannot be answered from inside. It is one of those things that simply has to come from an external source.

It is that question. “Do I have what it takes?”

Its a tough one, since if you don’t get that answered as a child by your father…. You will always seek it. I can only speak for a guy in this case. I can only try to reason what that question would be in a woman’s internal dialogue.

Maybe “Am I beautiful?” or “Am I wanted?”

These are questions only outside sources can vouch for. Self image and love for your self is important. But this question every human needs answered. And if it is not, it will haunt you whether you realise it or not.

In my case I think the first time I made a fire and cooked meat on that fire was in my late twenties. I never felt like I could do it before that. It is a mundane thing yes, but it was a milestone for me. For years I silently wondered if my father thought I was good enough to handle these things. I battled silently and eventually just got to the point internally and just sort of threw caution aside and jumped.

For most of my school days, I would come home with a B and the question would be, “Why is it it not an A?”

Yep, not good to have both parents as teachers hey ha ha ha. But it creates a thought pattern that grows and it slowly creeps up in your self talk. Is what I am doing good enough…..

It is not easy to venture into the world with all the questions one normally gives an ear to. But none is so dangerous as the do I have what it takes. It will lead young men down a path of trying to prove it in all the wrong places. Its how gangs are formed, how women get abused, how children are made to live without fathers…..

“Do I have what it takes?” echoes in the head. And the young man zips off to the next conquest. Because he is not sure he can do this father thing. Joins that gang, because here are guys who think I have what it takes and I have proven it to them….

Young lady, where do you find yourself? Trying to answer that question…..”Am I beautiful?” This very question will lead you to a very dark place if you don’t find that answer. You always ask it until you believe it.

“Am I wanted?” well that is another question that gets twisted and turned into a world of hurt for a young lady who does not find this from her mother and father.

I know we live in a very broken world, and life does not afford all to live in a stable loving home. Life is not fair….

But I assure you that as much as there is the bad, there is the good. Just don’t give in to the idea that the bad is all there is. Keep searching.

For the ones who had it good and right, help the others. “But it is not my issues” you say. Well time to take things a bit more personally than that. Whether we like it or not, whether we believe it or not. We are all in this together. Sometimes people just don’t know what they don’t know.

What it comes down to is this. Whether you have asked those questions out loud yet, know that they are always there in the undertones of life. They have to be answered. Find good friends, find good people and talk it out. And then go change the world….

I leave you today with another one of those videos. I hope you are watching or listening to them…

On….purpose…

on purpose

You arrive at work, you get your morning coffee, grab a quick bite to eat… You have a meeting to get to, you going to be a few mins late. You gulp the coffee, you enter the room all eyes are looking at you. You still reeling from the argument you had with your spouse this morning, you forgot something about the children…….. You quickly brush that aside and get on with your day.

The day ends, you prepare your head for the long commute home…..traffic…. You get home and the questions get hurled at you, you manage to wade through that and you eventually get some time to yourself, 1 min 2 min 3 min…..”Suppers’s ready!”

You still have work to do, you wait till they all asleep….finally peace and quiet. You work till your eyes cannot handle it anymore…

You wake up 5am……

repeat….

 


You arrive at church, the praise songs have started. You manage to get the family seated and the baby is crying. You grab the baby and get out. There goes your time of “focusing on God”. The music stops, announcements, you think “Maybe this child will quieten down and I can make the sermon at least, my husband is already giving me the look”.

There goes the worship music, the sermon, and it’s over….

Ah well, I will get the next one.

Next sunday….

repeat…


 

Is that really what life is meant to be? There must be more.

My question to you today is, why are you doing what you doing?

What you are busy with today is really what shapes your tomorrow. And we forget that sometimes.
We tell ourselves that we need to pay the bills, and we just need to pay this off and that off. The years pass by and you wonder how on earth you got here…. more debt than you started with, same problems just bigger and you never worked on the things you meant to.

I really cannot be okay with the idea that we are meant to live on earth to make do. Pay the bills and get on with it….

There has to be a reason why we are here…..

I also think that deep down we all know that we need to do something specific, but we kill it with stuff we don’t need and then use that stuff as an excuse to not do what we need to do. You are not meant to be normal and average, yet so often we simply want to blend in. We hate the trauma that comes along with standing out and making a difference. We put those that do on a pedestal and say that they are different and talented and therefore it absolves us from doing something that counts…

If you believe that you have a specific purpose, what are you doing now about it? Is what you doing now contributing towards your purpose? And I do not mean goals. I mean that sensing internally of which you know you feel you need to do with your life.

Once you know that, what do you do?

Stop what you doing?

I don’t think so. Not wise to do that. I think the best situation is to straddle. By that I mean you keep doing what you doing, but you start on what you need to do. Because too often we blame the reason for not starting on things because we so busy now.

Yes it takes time and effort, but you don’t have to do it now do you? You could keep doing and going the way you going. Keep paying your bills for the things you think you need and keep going to the places you think you need to go to.

Its just that sensing will never leave hey. When you lay at night and doze off…. the feeling that you not doing what you are meant to do. You are tired and burnt out trying to keep all things together, but find no satisfaction at all. No rest, I mean real rest….

That is when you know that your purpose is calling you.

This is not about making money or making it big. You tell yourself “It is just until I get the promotion, until I get the house paid, until the children are out of school.”

STOP. I assure you that you will never get where you think you need to be. Until you grasp this thing we call purpose.

It is when you start doing meaningful things and it just clicks and just know this is what I am meant to be doing. It resonates with your very being. Anything less won’t do. It’s when you willing to give up things that just don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

I find that when I get away from the noise of life things become easier to see and hear. And I am very good at creating noise to create distraction.

And that is one of the enemies of purpose….distraction.

Another big killer of purpose is……you can guess…..fear of failure.

Here is a bit of motivation to get back on the horse again…

 

thehonestone

 

I want…..

It is my opinion that very few people know the difference between a want and a need in life.
I will let someone who IMO, got it correct.

needs vs greed

Just some stats for you to ponder on:
– Almost half of the world’s wealth is now owned by just one percent of the population.
– The wealth of the one percent richest people in the world amounts to $110 trillion. That’s 65 times the total wealth of the bottom half of the world’s population.
– The bottom half of the world’s population owns the same as the richest 85 people in the world.
– Seven out of ten people live in countries where economic inequality has increased in the last 30 years.
– The richest one percent increased their share of income in 24 out of 26 countries for which we have data between 1980 and 2012.
– In the US, the wealthiest one percent captured 95 percent of post-financial crisis growth since 2009, while the bottom 90 percent became poorer.

You read the full article by clicking here.

There are many people that realise the imbalances of the economic scales that are in place. The almost hatred, towards capitalism, the underlying and often underground guys, seeking to apply a communistic regime.
What one needs to realise is that everything that affects the world on a macro level (global) starts and affects things on a micro level (national/local) and I would go as far to say on a minute level (individual).

Let me start here….. You work hard to get the bills paid. You buy stuff and live in a space that you pay for, maybe a car or two. You have children, you pay school fees and clothing is a necessity. And you pay taxes and maybe you save a bit, and the list goes on.
Yet all of those are wants. You want to live in a house or space that you call your own, you want a car, you wanted children, you want those children to have a chance in life, you therefore send them to school. You want to beautify your life and space and spend the necessary to make that happen. You want to live in a country that has amenities that make life comfortable.

Homeless people still manage to get by…..without all that. Conclusion. Many before us and currently do not believe that those are necessary to qualify as a life. So they are at their core just wants. You do not need it.
The trouble with us is that we get caught up in looking around and you have to admit….. its all very tempting hey.

But the thing that fuels the world and the markets and the economy is ruled by the 2 most base human trappings…. Fear and Greed.
I don’t want to make this too complex.

I could create lists of what we want versus what we need, but let me simplify.
I think what is a real need in life is that people should find purpose. Yes that is not always tangible, but purpose supercedes wants in every area. Like you need air and food, purpose is the most gone and forgotten element in life as I see it.

purpose

We end up on the hamster wheel without it. We take every opportunity we can thinking it will better our lives, only to find the circle bites our behinds and we end up with higher bills, new worries, and more stress. We don’t need a lot in life. But if you ever wanted a lazer sharp focus in life. Find your purpose. That in itself will help you shake off all the crap you don’t need.

Yes the world is unfair and a hard place, but you do not have to comply with everything.

What is your purpose?

thehonestone

On paper

No one knows the future.

duties of a life insurance agent

I am sure you have been approached by some form of insurance broker in your life. If not, its only a matter of time before you have that privilege.

And you will get the whole pitch of how you need to invest and put money away. And they will pull out a chart and show you how over time your money will grow and this is the possible outcome. And just as your eyes light up and you about say “Where can I sign up?”…….

You get the disclaimer, that past performance is not indicative of future perfomance…..

And somehow they show you a chart of what? The past. I always chuckle when they do that. They showing you past perfomance in order to sign you up. Bu the disclaimer just does not get your hopes up does it. There are no guarantees with markets. And they are correct, there will be no sure thing when it comes to the markets, or we would all be wealthy right?

The thing is, what other information would people accept? Surely they cannot come to you and say, “Hey, are you willing to throw some cash in this fund and we will see what the markets do?” Not very convincing is it?

Yet that is more true than the chart. We really do not know, we can guesstimate, but no sure thing exists there.

We do the same in life, when a situation arises and we have to choose, we go with what we know to be true. We pretty much use our past to determine our future in its most simplest terms.

My question that I pose to myself is how that has worked for me. Since I may want different to what I have now, surely I cannot decide based on the past. Unless of course I am content here and don’t want different things.

Children don’t do that though (for obvious reason since they do not have anything to gauge it against they only have to try it). I think there is a bit of wisdom in that.

Now I am a proper skeptic in life hey, and I never jump both feet in. I always consider all angles…..

But getting back to the point, on paper all these things look good, but real life can often shock or surprise you. Life, markets, people are not dead things, are not one dimensional either, there are curve balls and many factors to consider. In fact they impossible to predict.

Its a frustrating thing to a predicter, a planner like me. One has to find that balance though.

I am not saying throw caution to the wind… that would just be dumb. But if you want something different then surely you cannot make a decision solely on your past. Since that got you where you are today. You want to be wealthy, but currently not…. Need I answer that one?

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

Its good to look at the charts, its good to do your homework, but it will amount to nothing if you never take a step out of where you are.

I know how hard it is, I have forced myself many times to shut that little voice inside. But I can’t live with myself if I don’t try.

So my disclaimer is that by no means am I meaning for you to signup with the insurance broker. You can if you want, but first ask them how they amassed their peronal wealth. If they not wealthy……..well then don’t.

But if you want to have different things in life, do different things. Hang with different people, change. Take a side step. After all its not working now is it….

thehonestone

The Human Condition

human conditionIt has always baffled me to some degree.

Please understand that I am not a proponent of animal cruelty, but why is that people say that they cannot kill animals in an inhumane way? Yet they they have no issues eating this animal that was killed in a humane way.

At the other end of the stick we have animal rights people who refuse to eat animals and care very little about how they treat humans.

It must say a lot about how we view life and each other right? At one end we seek to lift up animals to a human level and at the other end we reduce human life to the same level as animals and treat each accordingly.

Granted the animal can do nothing to defend itself, whereas the human can.

Another difference is that one never sees an animal with an identity crisis either. Psychotherapy seems a treat only for us humans. We are the only creatures on earth that doubt ourselves and our purpose.

I wish I could say I have the answers to it all, but I really just cannot understand it all. It mind blowing in the sense that some of us who need to think a bit deeply….never do. The others think too much.

As the saying goes, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid people are full of confidence”… Charles Bukowski

Always the opposite of what it is meant to be hey.

Its a frustrating life you will receive if you ever question the status quo. Happy life if you don’t. Torturous life if you try to change something. And never mess with the compliance department.

We love things that hurt us and hate things that ultimately is good for us. We accept the rubbish and stop the good. It continues  from generation. We murder the people who ultimately speak the truth, and years, decades, centuries later, we celebrate them as visionaries.

We allow weak and manipulative and down right evil leaders to rule in our lifetimes, because we must accept all people and for the sake of democracy. The hilarious thing is the real people who fought for the democracy in the first place were taken out because they were too radical.

How many times has that happened to you? At your job you tried to affect change and got the brick wall. Until you leave and suddenly your ideas are implemented…..

Fascinating right?

Chew on that for a while….

 

thehonestone

 

The Things we Love

Letting go is never easy……

It was about 2 and a half years ago. At that time I was about to enter a very disconcerting situation. It would be my 10th year at the theatre I was employed at. I was unsettled….
I had never been involved with anything for 10 years other than my family at that time.
Also due to the fact I had applied to move into sales and I was offered the job.

Conflicted……..confused…..a bit out of my comfort zone…. Will I succeed? Will I fail? I used to wake up in cold sweats hearing voices that I will be in financial ruin…..
I decided to take the leap. I left what was most certainly a stable job with all benefits, to a job with little certain future no benefits and a cut in pay.

Was I successful? Depends on who you ask ha ha ha. The company would say no (well at least the immediate result would be a fail since sales is about the now and now only). I lasted about a year there. I am now a free lance engineer and have my own company. Life is not easy, and had to make some tough choices and really had to let go of a few things in life.

Am I happier? Yes a thousand times yes. Do I stress? Yes a million times yes. But it took me a long time to get there, but I did it.

The art of living life, and it is an art, is about finding the real you.
Underneath all the crap that we get taught by either bad experiences or clueless people in our lives.

It is my opinion and observation in life that most of us are not doing what we really want to do. Or let me state it this way….most of us are not doing what we are meant to do.

Why not? Because of the things we love….. Now please do not go tossing out the people in your life (though a few not being there could help the cause). I digress, or progress however you may see it.

We love nice things in our lives, we like being able to buy flat screens,smart phones, cars, houses, clothes, perfume, music, movies, the list can go on.

My question is, how many things in life do we actually need? And what are we working towards? Are the things you love really holding you captive?

things we love

I watched a program once called hoarders. When they asked the one guy why he never threw stuff away. He held onto the thing in his hand hugging it saying “No one ever stays, they always leave”. We can so easily judge a hoarder, because we see what they live in. But most people hoard, and shy away from making decisions. We don’t let go so easily do we?
It’s sad to see and by this I include myself. I struggle to let go of the things I think I need/want that may not be good for me. And more than likely they are, but my intense grip of it sometimes causes the opposite effect that the things are intended for. We need to look up, away, forward, sometimes into the past. But let me not get away from the main point here.

We are meant to be and do great things in life. Yet when we look around, can we really say that is true in life. Its easier to live it via other people, they can sing, talk, run, live so much better than you right??

We are meant to live our purpose, but most of us have killed that inner voice that whispers your dream into your ear when its silent. We run away from silence and kill it with stuff, we kill it with the wrong crowd. With noise basically.
We put on that plaster of living a good life, having the bond, the car the kids, and we sooth ourselves with the idea that we can be okay in the doldrums of life. No ups or downs just calmness. We don’t really learn anything we just exist.

We learned early that chasing mountain tops don’t bode well for us, we therefore flattened it for ourselves, no mountains no valleys.

Hardship and troubles are needed…..

Without them we simply will never grow, but reducing them or removing them causes so much unseen damage. Well unseen in the sense that you may never know what life was really meant to be.
Its why concerts are full, church pews are over filled, companies have endless lists of employees eager to work for less than the current ones, why people are so unhappy with their jobs.

WE ARE WILLING TO BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE SOMEHOW BETTER THAN US.

They are not, they just decided not to settle for second best in their life. I cannot accept it anymore, the lies and excuses I hear on a daily basis. And that is what it is, excuses and blatant lies. You are not meant for a comfortable life, you are not meant to just coast by.

AND YES IT MEANS YOU, YOU not anyone else. They not reading here, you are.

My question again, is the things you love keeping you from the things you are really meant to be involved in.

What are the things you love……

Have I accomplished all I wanted to? No. I am working out the other things I want to do. But I wanted to press some buttons in your life.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you meant to be and do. If you do fail, fail forward.

Now finding your purpose, well that is a story for another day……

the honest one

That first step….

Life is a strange thing sometimes, and our environments tend to dictate our decisions. We would never admit to it, but often we believe in the bottom line more than “living the dream”

I speak to a lot of people and have been through a few things in life. It always fascinates me as to why we do what we do. Why are you doing what you doing? For the income? For the passing of time? Are you really passionate about what you are doing?

What did you sacrifice in order to be doing what you doing? I think there in lies some meaty stuff. The more you sacrifice, the better the pay off. I mean in terms of fulfillment and so forth.

And there is the major dilemma…. We don’t like the sacrifice or the hard times, but we all want the better life and the passion for what we do.

It’s easier if you pay that earlier in life. The problem is that we never see the people who are living the dream, when they start off. We don’t see the pain and trauma people go through before they make it.

So how do we change our current place in life……..

That first step. The hard decision, change, you know the one we all shy away from.

The first step to a different day, life. Go ahead…. you do not need permission….

thehonestone