Author Archives: thehonestone

About thehonestone

I am a 34 year old Single guy. I currently do sound for a theatre. This is my ramblings and opinions about life in general

Fighting Change

5He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. 6Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus.   Mark 3 vs 5-6


It never fails to intrigue me. The way we fight something different that is in front of us. The reason I chose to show that scripture above  for a very specific reason.

Firstly the debate between the Pharisees and Jesus and then a direct display of the miracle happens in front of their eyes. The result….. exuberance and complete joy by all as they discover that God is in their midst…….

Nope, they plot to kill Jesus. How is that even remotely possible?

The status quo IMO is probably the most fought for thing in this world. More than anything. And once the masses pick up on it, there really is a mountain against the thought of change.

It happens on every level in life and scales to the largest entities. From the home, to school, to work, to life, to relationships, to companies, to empires, to movements, to cultures.

There are certain parts in my life that I really don’t want change in, and I fight it. There is a tendency in all of us as humans to want to revert to what we know all the time. Its an inbuilt mechanism designed to keep you where you are. Think about it. How often have you grown by doing and being involved with the same things and people.

When I was clubbing, guess what? Nothing more than the same thing ever occurred in my life. More drinking, more clubs and repeat. When I wanted to change, everyone around me could not grasp why. I am not saying it was easy or clear in my head at the time, but I needed to change and everything in me fought it. Granted I was in desperation mode  and it usually takes that level of desperation in me to want to change. I hang on for dear life to what I know, until I have to let it go.

We all do this. The question that I ask you today is where do you stand on change?

Now back to the actual point I was trying to get across. The Pharisees were “keepers of the truth”. Their lives revolved around the scriptures and maintaining the standards of truth. Yet, there was Jesus, the Truth Himself. And they plot to kill him because He did not fit their plans and ideas.

I don’t know how that is possible to reason. I know I do that too in life, but it really still mystifies me. I think it boils down to the fact that we just do not like to change, especially if it means it involves ourselves. I know its very easy to find an audience that identifies with your view point. Actually its easy to fill a stadium with people that agree with you on whatever side you find yourself on. But do you plot against change in your life?

When someone different or something different comes along your path, do you judge it according to all you already know?

Or are you open to the possibility that this might be the truth in front of you, trying to revolutionize your life and mind?

I am not asking you to hug and embrace change for change sake. But I ask that you at least consider that something different will definitely bring a different outcome to what is already happening in life.

Now yes you might lose some things here. And I think that is really what the Pharisees were working against. They feared that they would lose what they had right then. And of course yes you could let go of your power and control and never have it ever again, you might lose that person and never find another one. (you can clearly see I have been through this way too many times ha ha ha)

I guess I am asking you to think a but deeper and maybe not accept the level of comfort you have now. Also take a look around, the things that we fighting…… The people in our lives….. The company you are at, your business, your company you keep, the church you are at…..

I know change is hard, and life is tough. Maybe you are the agent of change, use tact, but speak the truth even if it feels like you will lose everything you know now. It is never easy being the odd one out, but an you really live with yourself knowing that you never spoke up, you let it go that way. You never did anthing about what you really wanted, you allowed the truth to slip through your fingers to remain on the side of comfort…..

When change comes knocking what are you going to do?

Plot against or allow it to shape you into who you are meant to be?





The Human Condition

human conditionIt has always baffled me to some degree.

Please understand that I am not a proponent of animal cruelty, but why is that people say that they cannot kill animals in an inhumane way? Yet they they have no issues eating this animal that was killed in a humane way.

At the other end of the stick we have animal rights people who refuse to eat animals and care very little about how they treat humans.

It must say a lot about how we view life and each other right? At one end we seek to lift up animals to a human level and at the other end we reduce human life to the same level as animals and treat each accordingly.

Granted the animal can do nothing to defend itself, whereas the human can.

Another difference is that one never sees an animal with an identity crisis either. Psychotherapy seems a treat only for us humans. We are the only creatures on earth that doubt ourselves and our purpose.

I wish I could say I have the answers to it all, but I really just cannot understand it all. It mind blowing in the sense that some of us who need to think a bit deeply….never do. The others think too much.

As the saying goes, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid people are full of confidence”… Charles Bukowski

Always the opposite of what it is meant to be hey.

Its a frustrating life you will receive if you ever question the status quo. Happy life if you don’t. Torturous life if you try to change something. And never mess with the compliance department.

We love things that hurt us and hate things that ultimately is good for us. We accept the rubbish and stop the good. It continues  from generation. We murder the people who ultimately speak the truth, and years, decades, centuries later, we celebrate them as visionaries.

We allow weak and manipulative and down right evil leaders to rule in our lifetimes, because we must accept all people and for the sake of democracy. The hilarious thing is the real people who fought for the democracy in the first place were taken out because they were too radical.

How many times has that happened to you? At your job you tried to affect change and got the brick wall. Until you leave and suddenly your ideas are implemented…..

Fascinating right?

Chew on that for a while….





I was walking around a mall the other day and noticed quite a few clothing stores. I remember thinking to myself, I wonder how they survive? I am one of those rare people that does little to no clothing shopping. I would have to break something before I consider purchasing shoes or clothing.

Another thing if you run into me on a normal day is, my answer to “How are you?” goes something like this “I am still alive”.
Which can be taken in many ways, in most case the bottom line of I am here, what else counts? Or I am alive and kicking and taking everything head on.

I will leave you to guess which one I am projecting.

If I look back at life, through all the choices and career paths, realtionships. It is clear that I am a survivalist. I can claw my way out of anything.


The fact that I am still around after it all, proves that. I can be very resourceful and will turn everything around eventually. This is an achievement for a pessimist lol.

My concern is that maybe I have become so used to fighting and struggling in life that I miss some things because they too easy.

The clothing store cannot be a survivalist, since they are simply an option in an array of options. They are then thrown in the scale of priority to consumers, since if most people had to choose between food and clothing, the answer is simple right. I cannot live without food, so food it is, if I had to choose.

I heard a woman say the other day (at a party) I had to buy the top I have on now, because “I had nothing to wear”.

Mmmmmm, I am sure she had a cupboard full of clothing. I think this is why clothing stores are still here. Women…… ha ha ha, maybe, but that is not what I was getting at.

I think the stores have an abundance mentality. Sure you have clothes, but why not more? Why focus only on what you need?
There are shoes that are R2000 a pair. Do we “need” that? Nope, but we buy it because we can and we like it.

I also forget sometimes that it takes all kinds to make the world around. After all we are not all the same. And for the clothing stores they should praise the Lord for that, because if they were all like me, they would have to close the doors very soon.

But getting back to what I was searching and looking into. Is maybe there is another phase one needs to get to.



I do not mean this in a new age (the secret) way. I mean simply meaning that life is not always a struggle and a fight. I think its a good trait to have though. The willingness to fight and win. But not all things in life need to be tackled and struggled with.

You trying to set a website up and its taken you months to get it going……why not just hire a professional and let it be their problem and you can get on with other things.

We want to save a buck, and we try and do all the things ourselves, then we have to deal with overwhelm. Who has time for that?


that’s so racist….

noun: racist; plural noun: racists

a person who believes that a particular race is superior to another.
synonyms: racial bigot, racialist, xenophobe, chauvinist, supremacist More
“he was exposed as a racist”
(racially) discriminatory, racialist, prejudiced, bigoted
“a racist society”

noun: racist; plural noun: racists; adjective: racist

having or showing the belief that a particular race is superior to another.
“we are investigating complaints about racist abuse at the club”

It fascinates me how often I get accused of being a racist. Or at least my comments get called “that’s so racist”. Which sets it up for “you’re so racist”.


Now, I have my opinions in life. But since saying “Black people are…..” does that mean racism. Or when I say “white people are…..”. If they are that way then its simply a comment of an observation. Right?

Now if I said they are this and that alluding to the fact that I am better than them, well then that is racist.

I find that because of our past in South Africa, we are very sensitive when it comes to the mention of colour. Now commenting and saying a statement like ” Black people eat a lot of fried chicken” is a true statement. Does it mean I am looking down on them for that? Because that would be a racist thought.
But making the comment does not assume racist thoughts. Its merely a statement based on observation.

I could just as easily say “Coloured people love gatsbies” which is true. Generally speaking of course. “White people have strange finger foods and have nibbles for food”. Does it mean my view is better?

I am of the belief that true unity comes from accepting the differences. Rather than having a society that never mentions colour (but thinks it). When we learn that we are all different, and that it is okay to be different.

Fundamentally however, I have never grasped racism. When I think and look at it from every angle. I cannot seem to see how it fits in humanity. Intellectually it makes no sense. Our skin colour is just that, skin colour. Behaviour is not determined by your skin colour. It is how you grow up.

I say this because I still experience it internally. When I walk into a room that is filled with white people, there is a slight tension. I cannot explain it, and of course one can never say anything……because that would be racist…

Or when white people talk to me, I mean those ones that don’t really engage with coloured people on a day to basis. They talk slowly and softer. I think they afraid to offend me. Little do they know the string of comments coming their way. I have found that I can say black and coloured and white……but they cannot. 🙂
And I use this to my advantage. Okay so maybe not so much, and one should really use opportunities when they come across one’s path, Correct?

So if you think you better than the next person and that person seems to be of a different colour persuasion, then you are a racist. Bask in it. Not a good thing, but you have to be honest with yourself.

So my friends and others of the lighter and darker persuasion, I do not think I am better than you. I will however comment on your mannerisms. You may too.

But let us all get to know and embrace the differences as just that, differences.

the honest one

to be honest…..

I have never really been a person for meaningless statements. In fact on a normal day I don’t talk much.
That does not mean I cannot talk nonsense, I have a degree in nonsense talk….. You may apply if you want to learn..

I can however assure you that, when I say I will do something, it is as good as done. But not everybody does that these days. The culture of today is rather fickle and its rather hard to take somebody seriously at their word. It is flimsy, but what can one do? Now it is a matter of looking at context and area of life when somebody tells me something they will do.

I guess I am a rather cynical person because I have distilled it to the point of I don’t believe anyone means anything and I am surprised if they follow through.


We say so many things like, “how are you?” and we get so shocked when the person starts unpacking how they are…..
We say let’s do coffee…..and months later you never did.
We say “I’ll pray for you…..” and you know you don’t.

It is almost like we think we can just say the thing we think the other person needs to hear and that let’s us off the hook. We made them feel better…. Yay for us.

“To be honest”. This is a phrase I truly despise. I know it is an adverbial disjunct (the technical term for it), but its annoying. Should I conclude that unless you say “to be honest” that everything else you say is a lie?

honesty lies

Perhaps it is because I take my word seriously. I guess that is a challenge for someone out there. You can take me up on that. If I give a yes, I will do it.
And this filters into every level of communication for me. I am the most contactable person, you can pretty much get me on every platform, not 24/7 (yet lol).
Which describes my other irritation in life. Technology is not good for this frustration. You can see when a message is delivered as well as read. You can setup read receipts, and one wonders why people never respond.

You send out emails and no one responds. I can understand this maybe in a social setting, but businesses do this too. You come to a live chat and you just know this is an automated response because you type in a question and twiddle your thumbs for 15 mins and no answer.
Its mean, and demeaning.
Its not being a human.

We expect our wants and requests to be done….now, but we don’t give a rat’s behind for the next person’s wants or needs.

To be honest……I don’t think we know how anymore. To be honest I mean.

My rant is almost over (I have one a year okay).

I have calmed down on this over the years. I used to take people at their word, and boy its not healthy to do that hey.

My challenge to you, when you say something that is remotely a promise, try and do it. Just for a week. But really try it. Don’t let yourself off the hook.

the honest one

community is a……dancer…

Please watch this first if you can.

I am one of those people that always seem to have music around me in life. Be it listening as driving, while working on a pc or even while doing the events we normally do.
Life should have a sound track right?

I think music is a great catalyst, and we see that go both ways. Good and bad. I have also had the misfortune of being around dance my entire life. Just kidding, not sure whether it was good or bad, since I have 2 left feet and have never found freedom in dancing myself. My mother and sister did ballet though, so ever since I was able to remember anything I was dragged to Eisteddfods and this dance and that performance.
It never escaped me. When it came to churches they danced there too.

When I eventually started working, guess what? Dance followed me….. Contemporary, Jazz, abstract (this is by far the worse kind to work with).

I joined a theatre (what on earth was I thinking????) Ballet, abstract to the nth degree, contemporary, you name it it was all there.

But to the point of the video above. I wanted to point out that life is like a dance. And I have been a huge believer that community around us is made of strong individuals. And we see that in the video. The performance is one unit, but many individuals. Which is a lot like how life is meant to be lived.
We don’t see that dazed look on any of the dancers….. You know that look… The one that goes “what on earth is the next move?”


Now I promise you I have seen that before, Although I find it hilarious, its a massive distraction and very noticeable. When the performance is good, when they all practised and know their part and bring it on stage. If they have an issue they focus on the director. The person next to them cannot help, they do not see the whole picture. Look the person next to you can assist if you stumble or fall, but they cannot fix your problem if your steps are wrong.

Now I am not one to agree with Shakespeare, that all the world is a stage. But there are preparation phases and implementation phases. When one implements something it is similar to a perfomance.

What I would like you to see is, the reason for community break down and why we suffer the break down in communication and I can go on and on.
If you as an individual focused on your part and “practised”, the collective would be stronger. If you live your dream, and all the traumas that brings with it, the community around it benefits as well.

You see it clearly in a choreographed dance like in the video. If you have only one that is unsure it affects the whole.

Community life is very much like a dance. It takes a lot of strong individuals to make it a healthy one. So the big question is where to find these healthy communities?????

Very easy to answer, become a healthy individual and follow what is inside of you. I promise you the outside environment will change.

I see so many people looking for answers in all the wrong places. And here I include myself. I am not saying we should never seek advice, but to make your decisions solely up to the advice you get, is rather dangerous.

If one looks at celebrities that go broke, after having millions and millions at their disposal, they lost it. How????
They handed the decisions to other people. They did not keep in touch with what was their responsibility.

You want to fix the world around you, change yourself and you will see the world change in front of you.

the honest one

The things we hate

Defining things in life are few and far between.

But pretty much all defining moments have intense feelings around them. Either we come across something that we truly hate, or something we cannot do without. It forces us to decide.

Throughout my life, I have lived on both ends. Loving it all, hating it all. Finding middle ground was never my strength in life. Fortunately people appear in life at the right time. I can get carried away in life, but there are some good friends in my life that keep me on planet earth. And quite willing to point out my short comings. Lol, we all need those right?

The things we hate in life, they force us to action. Or I hope not, inaction, defeat, giving up.

I have shared this before, but it was 1998 and I was caught up in the drug scene, and for most part of it I was happy in it. Until I started questioning. I wanted to know if this was it? Was this life? I sat there (okay I paced around) and all the things played around with me. I would amount to nothing, my life was over, I had failed, I was a 20 year old druggie. I would end up homeless, my studies was going nowhere, I worked at pick n pay. Somedays they sent me home because I was not fit to work. And the amount of days I worked while high or drunk was…. well I cannot count them.


I started to hate what was in front of me.

I am not telling you this to depress you, though I am sure I was depressed then. It made me decide to make a change. Granted a few experiences with God and people helped. I was the one that had to make the decision to walk away from everything I knew at that time.

It took the hatred of the situation to create a space for change.

Is there something you hate that much?

What is going on in your life now? Are you aware of the feelings running around in you? Does something you hate in life cause you to want to run away?

Face it. You will run forever until you learn to face it head on. Jumping back to when I decided to change direction in life, it took well over 4 months to work through and find some sort of definitive answer for myself.

My point is that, what seems negative is not always bad for us. Hating a situation can be good for us. As long as it inspires change.

Have you ever wondered how out of the same household some people succeed and the other sibling will flounder in life?

I can with certainty say it has to do with how one deals with defining moments. How one manages those itense moments in life.

Do you cower under pressure or do you rise to the occasion and face it head on.
Running in front of a raging bull is not wise, so pick your battles. Small ones first.

the honest one

The Things we Love

Letting go is never easy……

It was about 2 and a half years ago. At that time I was about to enter a very disconcerting situation. It would be my 10th year at the theatre I was employed at. I was unsettled….
I had never been involved with anything for 10 years other than my family at that time.
Also due to the fact I had applied to move into sales and I was offered the job.

Conflicted……..confused…..a bit out of my comfort zone…. Will I succeed? Will I fail? I used to wake up in cold sweats hearing voices that I will be in financial ruin…..
I decided to take the leap. I left what was most certainly a stable job with all benefits, to a job with little certain future no benefits and a cut in pay.

Was I successful? Depends on who you ask ha ha ha. The company would say no (well at least the immediate result would be a fail since sales is about the now and now only). I lasted about a year there. I am now a free lance engineer and have my own company. Life is not easy, and had to make some tough choices and really had to let go of a few things in life.

Am I happier? Yes a thousand times yes. Do I stress? Yes a million times yes. But it took me a long time to get there, but I did it.

The art of living life, and it is an art, is about finding the real you.
Underneath all the crap that we get taught by either bad experiences or clueless people in our lives.

It is my opinion and observation in life that most of us are not doing what we really want to do. Or let me state it this way….most of us are not doing what we are meant to do.

Why not? Because of the things we love….. Now please do not go tossing out the people in your life (though a few not being there could help the cause). I digress, or progress however you may see it.

We love nice things in our lives, we like being able to buy flat screens,smart phones, cars, houses, clothes, perfume, music, movies, the list can go on.

My question is, how many things in life do we actually need? And what are we working towards? Are the things you love really holding you captive?

things we love

I watched a program once called hoarders. When they asked the one guy why he never threw stuff away. He held onto the thing in his hand hugging it saying “No one ever stays, they always leave”. We can so easily judge a hoarder, because we see what they live in. But most people hoard, and shy away from making decisions. We don’t let go so easily do we?
It’s sad to see and by this I include myself. I struggle to let go of the things I think I need/want that may not be good for me. And more than likely they are, but my intense grip of it sometimes causes the opposite effect that the things are intended for. We need to look up, away, forward, sometimes into the past. But let me not get away from the main point here.

We are meant to be and do great things in life. Yet when we look around, can we really say that is true in life. Its easier to live it via other people, they can sing, talk, run, live so much better than you right??

We are meant to live our purpose, but most of us have killed that inner voice that whispers your dream into your ear when its silent. We run away from silence and kill it with stuff, we kill it with the wrong crowd. With noise basically.
We put on that plaster of living a good life, having the bond, the car the kids, and we sooth ourselves with the idea that we can be okay in the doldrums of life. No ups or downs just calmness. We don’t really learn anything we just exist.

We learned early that chasing mountain tops don’t bode well for us, we therefore flattened it for ourselves, no mountains no valleys.

Hardship and troubles are needed…..

Without them we simply will never grow, but reducing them or removing them causes so much unseen damage. Well unseen in the sense that you may never know what life was really meant to be.
Its why concerts are full, church pews are over filled, companies have endless lists of employees eager to work for less than the current ones, why people are so unhappy with their jobs.


They are not, they just decided not to settle for second best in their life. I cannot accept it anymore, the lies and excuses I hear on a daily basis. And that is what it is, excuses and blatant lies. You are not meant for a comfortable life, you are not meant to just coast by.

AND YES IT MEANS YOU, YOU not anyone else. They not reading here, you are.

My question again, is the things you love keeping you from the things you are really meant to be involved in.

What are the things you love……

Have I accomplished all I wanted to? No. I am working out the other things I want to do. But I wanted to press some buttons in your life.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you meant to be and do. If you do fail, fail forward.

Now finding your purpose, well that is a story for another day……

the honest one

The cost of freedom

Freedom we would assume to mean “free” from rules and limits and basically meaning we are able to do whatever we think we need to do.

After all we are free.

Now let me tell a story.

In the bible in acts 3, we see Peter and John walking to the temple and man that was lame all his life begged the 2 guys for money. We all know Peter and John’s response….. They said silver and gold we do not have, but what we have we give to you. They gave him healing and he got up and walked and was free of his disability.
Amazing, yay for Jesus.

Did you ever think about the healed man the next day? Now I am not diminishing the miracle, it was a miracle and it was amazing to the man. He could not disagree God had healed him and he was free and willing to talk to anyone about it.

But here is a guy that had been lame all his life and suddenly when all was said and done….. He had to work for a living now. He could not beg anymore (who really would support and feel sorry for a healthy person capable of working?)

Its now that we realise that being free has consequences. What do we do with ourselves? Yes he can walk, he can move around from place to place, but now he has to become a contributing member in society.

I think this is pretty much an issue we sit with in humanity. We want to be free, we want our own businesses, we want to follow our dreams…. We don’t want to have bosses, we…..

My question is, are you willing to pay the price for freedom. Freedom has a cost. It will cost you time and effort and dedication, commitment, sweat and tears.

Freedom does allow you to be able to do the things that you want to do, but its not automatic and there are rules/principles. E.G. If you want to be homeless and have no bills, you can. But if you want to live in a house and own it, then there are bills like electricity (when there is no load shedding), water, the bond, etc…. You get the point. Life is no different. The concept of freedom does not make you free. You have a part to play in using the freedom and working it in your favour.

Added to this, I don’t freedom is completely self indulgent. I believe that there should be at least some form of selflessness attached to the freedom we have/desire. Even from an early age if you are paying attention in life, you will realise that your life affects others. We cannot just think about ourselves, our friends, our families, our…. Which really is just an extension of mine, mine, mine……
We do not live in an isolated vacuum devoid of connecting to others.

We need to take ownership, you want to start a business…..good you can, but it will take work, research and committment. Faith and belief and generally will stress you out like no other, but its worth it in the long run.

Make it your mission in life to take responsibility and take ownership, even if you don’t own it now. Others are also depending on you.

the honest one

Seedless Watermelon

You take a bite and…..another bite and another………

But wait….something is strange. There are no seeds in this watermelon. Cooollll

seedless watermelon

Well, seedless watermelon is not a new thing, or any other seedless fruit for that matter. I am sure we have all come across it.

On some pondering on the concept, I struggle with one thing though. If we continually create these non offending fruits. How can there be a future for fruit. Since they soon will all have no seeds or anything bothersome, right?

Which leads me down the path of of concluding that it basically is fruit porn.

ALl the goodies and no baddies. To explain, all the benefits of the good taste and no having to work to separate the seeds or to spit it out. So why fruit porn?
Well is that not the reason people resort to porn. All the things that women/men have to offer without the bothersome thing of having to relate them? Just let us look and marvel/lust after your body and thank goodness I don’t have to deal with the moods and you know feelings of that person….right?

But that is what real life is.

So I ask again, seedless watermelon, seedless grapes……Fat free milk and yogurt (I truly cannot fathom the reason for this godless creation).

Now I know that they don’t really grow plants from seeds much anymore. They use cuttings and essentially clone the previous “seedless” plant.
But I am sure you get what I mean.

It seems we all just want the life we want with as little hassle as possible.

But does it help us?

We need difficulty and unclear moments in order to grow. We need to deal with the fact that there are seeds int he fruit, and as difficult as they are to handle, they provide a future.