here and now, and thereafter

Its valentine’s day. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I will be chatting specifically about romantic relationships. It does however apply to all relationships, but I wanted to be cheesy(ha ha ha). So here we go. Roses are red, violets…….mozzarellaaaaaaaa ha ha ha

To explain I will have to use some history of mine. I was engaged to a woman, if I am not mistaken about 9 years ago. Shocked? Well it was not the best part of my life (I was young and stupid) Now I am old and stupid (kidding). When thinking back I really don’t know what I was thinking, but to cut a long story short, I never did get married to her. I am not sure whether it was fortunate or unfortunate, but here I am now hey.

After a break up the psychologists always say its good to do a relationship autopsy. To discover what caused it. In this broken engagement I came across something I think can help us all.

You see, when I looked over the relationship it was a driven one. What’s that? When we were friends, there was a drive to get into the relationship. When we were in the relationship there was a drive for more so next step was engagement. Right?

You see what I realised is that when you insecure, a relationship won’t fix that. You will simply be insecure in the relationship. If you insecure in the relationship, a marriage won’t fix that, you will be married and insecure. You see I discovered what was driving the relationship was things that really should not have been given the driving seat. Remember this one thing, relationships and marriages do not fix the problems, they magnify them.

But I am getting ahead of myself. What I mean to get across is, when you approach people as, what I call, destinational endeavors it never works.

Destinational endeavors, what’s that you ask? Its when you approach the person with and end in mind already. It stifles freedom in a sense. So you don’t really have a friendship with the person, you actually using them to get what you want. That may be whatever, like all you may want is someone to talk to, a relationship, a marriage, etc….

All those things are not bad on their own, but they become terrible as goals. They should be the results and not the goal. Good friends come from spending willing time with each other. Good relationships come from good friendships, good marriages come from good relationships. And never the other way around, don’t you think? So its better maybe to look at friendships, relationships and marriages as part of the journey of life, and not destinations to achieve.

You don’t go setting out to find a relationship and then go and grab a friend and and drive it that way. Its possibly the worst thing to go find a wife/husband and and then try and look to start a relationship. I think we need to be more organic in approach and less clinical. We tend to list our wants and then go and meet people and start ticking off what we don’t like. We so focussed on “where is this going??” rather than living in the “now”

I know I sound like I am ranting here. But imagine we were treated like that? I would be beside myself since I am being judged on a level I will never come out okay in.

So since its valentines day. Enjoy the journey, go out and enjoy the here and now, you never know who you might take to the thereafter…… a friend, a relationship, a husband/wife…………………..

This week there might be a few more posts than normal as I wanted to just focus on relationships for this week.

2 thoughts on “here and now, and thereafter

  1. TWS

    “relationships and marriages do not fix the problems, they magnify them.” Yep, your issues, struggles and baggage are SPOTLIGHTED like that huge spot light shining in the evening in the letters of Holywood in the USA. Try to sort it out while you are single. Use the time.

    Good friends come from spending willing time with each other. Good relationships come from good friendships, good marriages come from good relationships.

    Do not be hasty. Let nature take its cause. When the hormones starts knocking on the door, try your utter best to keep them under control, if you can. Be accountable to somebody. Do not overstep your boundaries to quickly due to sexual attraction. But I know it is tough, yes. Eish!



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